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Some students would prefer to live with roomates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v.1

Some students would prefer to live with roomates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1
Multinational organisations can be found in most major cities around the world these days. Although working for such a company provides the opportunity to mix with people from a variety of cultural backgrounds, I would argue that this is not necessarily the best way to learn about other cultures. There is no doubt that for some people, working for a multinational organisation will enhance their understanding of other cultures. The first reason is that in a multinational organisation one can learn about the customs and traditions of other countries through mixing with people from different backgrounds who work in the company or in liaising with colleagues abroad. Exposure to other languages is also likely, something that gives a much greater depth of understanding of a culture. There may also be the chance to relocate to work in another country, which would mean complete immersion in that culture. However, there are a number of reasons that it is not necessarily the best way. Firstly, there is no guarantee that you will be a person who gets such exposure to other cultures as it depends on your position within the company. Not all employees have roles where they regularly mix with other cultures. Also, there are also other excellent ways to achieve such a goal. For example, many people these days travel the world, and this is an opportunity to meet and spend time with people from other countries. It is also possible to do voluntary work with organisations and charities that work in other countries, something that would mean you meet a mix of people rather than just those who work in companies. In conclusion, despite the potential ways in which working for a multinational company can result in contact with people from other cultures, I believe that it cannot be assumed it is the best way as there are other options to do this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Multinational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can
be found
in most major cities around the world these days. Although working for such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
provides the opportunity to mix with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a variety of cultural backgrounds, I would argue that this is not
necessarily
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.

There is no doubt that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will enhance their understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. The
first
reason is that in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
one can learn about the customs and traditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through mixing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or in liaising with colleagues abroad. Exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
languages is
also
likely, something that gives a much greater depth of understanding of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. There may
also
be the chance to relocate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which would mean complete immersion in that culture.

However
, there are a number of reasons that it is not
necessarily
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
Firstly
, there is no guarantee that you will be a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
such exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
as it depends on your position within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Not all employees have roles where they
regularly
mix with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Also
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to achieve such a goal.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days travel the world, and this is an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is
also
possible to do voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and charities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, something that would mean you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a mix of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, despite the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
in which working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can result in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, I believe that it cannot
be assumed
it is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
options to do this.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some students would prefer to live with roomates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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