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Some people prefer to listen to music while studying, as music has a calming effect on the mind. Others prefer a pin drop silence in order to concentrate on the content they are studying and have an undivided attention while they do so. Which option works better for you and why do you think the other option is not viable to ensure a successful study time? v.1

Some people prefer to listen to music while studying, as music has a calming effect on the mind. Others prefer a pin drop silence in order to concentrate on the content they are studying and have an undivided attention while they do so. Which option works better for you and why do you think the other option is not viable to ensure a successful study time? v. 1
While some people believe that listening to music while studying is one of the best tools to ingrain all the material in your mind, others think that silence works better. They discussed that an environment surrounded by silence is the best option to memorize the syllabus. In my opinion, silence is the best option to choose when studying. First of all, a student being in a peaceful environment has the best chance to succeed. It is said that people who have been studying in a calm place are likely to obtain better results than compared with those who have not been under such conditions. When studying, our brain needs to focus on the subject without having any disturbances around. That is the reason why some students, who have some deficits in attention, receive better marks compared with those who do not have any problems when having nocturnal studies. Moreover, even calm musics affect our mind negatively. Our brain has two parts which process the received information. The right part, that is responsible to calculate the information, and the left, that assimilates it. Therefore, it is quite impossible to absorb the information when we are trying to study and listen to music, due to the fact that our brain only processes one piece of information at a time. Finally, always studying under silent conditions outdoes studying listening to music because we ought to have a fresh mind when doing the activity.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
tools to ingrain all the material in your mind, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that silence works better. They discussed that an environment surrounded by silence is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option to memorize the syllabus. In my opinion, silence is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option to choose when studying.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a student being in a peaceful environment has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
chance to succeed. It
is said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a calm place are likely to obtain better results than compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have not been under such conditions. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, our brain needs to focus on the subject without having any disturbances around.
That is
the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deficits in attention, receive better marks compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have any problems when having nocturnal studies.

Moreover
, even calm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
affect our mind
negatively
. Our brain has two parts which process the received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. The right part,
that is
responsible to calculate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, that assimilates it.
Therefore
, it is quite impossible to absorb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
when we are trying to study and listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, due to the fact that our brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
processes one piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
at a time.

Finally
, always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
under silent conditions outdoes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we ought to have a fresh mind when doing the activity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to listen to music while studying, as music has a calming effect on the mind. Others prefer a pin drop silence in order to concentrate on the content they are studying and have an undivided attention while they do so. Which option works better for you and why do you think the other option is not viable to ensure a successful study time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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