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Q3. The school year will be extended with one week. State the students opinion and how the change will affect them. v.1

Q3. The school year will be extended with one week. State the students opinion and how the change will affect them. v. 1
Social media applications are becoming increasingly common and can be detrimental to children who frequently use them without any supervision to interact with old and new friends. One main problem that results when children use online forums to connect with their peers and strangers is that they become exposed to negative influence and cyber predators. In other words, in an attempt to find solutions, parents need to enlighten their young adults on the disastrous consequences of chatting with people on the internet so that they do not fall victims. Furthermore, parents can periodically monitor chats and messages of their teens to ensure that they are not receiving any threats or illicit images from the people they socialize with. For example, a recent report by the BBC has revealed that parents who supervise their children’s online activities are twice likely to discover any usual activity and take necessary action than those who do not do this. Another possible problem is that spending full time on social sites. This problems solution is parents should take the mobile phone from them. Another solution is for social media companies to set up age limits on networking apps. For instance, Facebook recently updated its privacy policy that limits access to kids under the age of ten. Moreover, WhatsApp, a major social media app, recently announced plans to unveil its messaging app for kids. However, this would help to reduce the number of young people who are bullied online since only teenagers will use it. To conclude, young people use the internet daily to interact with various people online without any guidance and this makes them fall prey to cyber crime. In order for children to be out of harm’s way, parents should keep an eye on their communications and give them advice, and social media companies need to provide apps that are suited for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications are becoming
increasingly
common and can be detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them without any supervision to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and new friends.

One main problem that results when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
forums to connect with their peers and strangers is that they become exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence and cyber predators.
In other words
, in an attempt to find solutions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to enlighten their young adults on the disastrous consequences of chatting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not fall victims.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
periodically
monitor chats and messages of their teens to ensure that they are not receiving any threats or illicit images from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they socialize with.
For example
, a recent report by the BBC has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
supervise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
activities are twice likely to discover any usual activity and take necessary action than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not do this.

Another possible problem is that spending full time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites. This
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "problems'" or "problem's"?
problems
solution is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take the mobile phone from them. Another solution is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to set up age limits on networking apps.
For instance
, Facebook recently updated its privacy policy that limits access to kids under the age of ten.
Moreover
, WhatsApp, a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
app, recently announced plans to unveil its messaging app for kids.
However
, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are bullied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

To conclude
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet daily to interact with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
without any guidance and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them fall prey to cyber crime. In order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be out of harm’s way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their communications and give them advice, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need to provide apps that
are suited
for them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Q3. The school year will be extended with one week. State the students opinion and how the change will affect them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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