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Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v.2

Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v. 2
Playing computer games is preferred by many students instead of doing sports. Interesting games attracts students towards itself but this can be tackled by promoting different sports right from the school level and also making it compulsory. Day by day, games are becoming increasingly interesting, and this particular character of them has attracted students all over the world towards itself. Computer game makers have made the games interesting yet fun to play. It is also a result of games being adventurous to play to which students tend to get attracted easily. Moreover, these games are designed in such a way that students can grasp things quickly. So, those who want to increase their learning curve prefer playing computer games. For example, a study has shown that children learn easily and effectively by playing games rather than doing sports activity. Therefore, this virtual world has resulted in students to get more involved in playing games. Although, students prefer to play games, but it can be tackled by promoting various sports at early age rather than exposing children’s to technology. This will result in students participating in different sports which will ultimately, lead to their overall development. Furthermore, promoting sports means promoting a healthy lifestyle which will become a part of students at later age. Another way to tackle this problem is that, making sports compulsory from early childhood education to tertiary education. It will certainly increase the outdoor activities of students too. In conclusion, while many students prefer playing games over doing sports, it can be sorted out by promoting sports and making it compulsory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is preferred
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
instead
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
towards itself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be tackled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
right from the school level and
also
making it compulsory.

Day by day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming
increasingly
interesting, and this particular character of them has attracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
all over the world towards itself. Computer game makers have made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
interesting
yet
fun to play. It is
also
a result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
being adventurous to play to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted
easily
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
in such a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can grasp things
quickly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, those who want to increase their learning curve prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, a study has shown that children learn
easily
and
effectively
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity.
Therefore
, this virtual world has resulted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be tackled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at early age
rather
than exposing children’s to technology. This will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which will
ultimately
, lead to their
overall
development.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
a healthy lifestyle which will become a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at later age. Another way to tackle this problem is that, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
compulsory from early childhood education to tertiary education. It will
certainly
increase the outdoor activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
too.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it can
be sorted
out by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and making it compulsory.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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