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Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v.1

Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v. 1
In this day and age, we can check all the information throughout the internet including about the history. Some people thinks that do, we don’t need the museums, but another group thinks we still need it because if the convincing information. Overall, I completely disagree with the statement that we don’t need museums Some people believed that it is easy to find all the information about history on the internet. So they think it is useless to go to the museums. On the other hand, people forgot that they cannot trust all information. Sometimes it can be edited by anyone. Therefore, we do need museums to make it clear and we can trust about all the document also an information that no one can change or forgery it. A clear example of this is, If a teacher teaches a student at school by researched from the internet and all some part of the information are wrong. And however, student have to leaned and understand error document. Another reason of this is that, it is about the feeling for dose people of people who love about the Art and history will understand well that it is not the same mood with we looked at the photo on the internet. Moreover, people cannot imagine or make it clear about the size, colours, shapes how the and the little details In conclusion, even through you can search all the information you want to know on the internet, while it can not give you a feeling you cannot appreciate the things also sometimes it can not trust. We still need the museums to understand what happened in the past, this is very important to know the true things.
In this day and age, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
throughout the internet including about the history.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that do, we don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
we
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Overall
, I completely disagree with the statement that we don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
museums

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that it is easy to find all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about history on the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is useless to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forgot that they cannot trust all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it can
be edited
by anyone.
Therefore
, we do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clear and
we can trust about all the document
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or forgery it. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example of this is, If a teacher teaches a student at school by researched from the internet and all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. And
however
, student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
leaned and understand error document.

Another reason of this is that, it is about the feeling for dose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
about the Art and history will understand well that it is not the same mood with we looked at the photo on the internet.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot imagine or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
about the size,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, shapes how the and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details


In conclusion
, even through you can search all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
you want to know on the internet, while it can not give you a feeling you cannot appreciate the things
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can not trust. We
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to understand what happened in the past, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know the true things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports Why is this What can be done to tackle the problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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