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Some students study in a quiet place. Others study in a place that has a lot of background noise, for instance, a blaring television or music playing. Which method of studying do you think is better for students and why? v.1

Some students study in a quiet place. Others study in a place that has a lot of background noise, for instance, a blaring television or music playing. Which method of studying do you think is better for students and why? v. 1
Exercise is utmost essential for the mental as well as the physical development of any individual. Issues arising from physical fitness are most times caused by inability of several employed person's to create time for workouts during the job hours or at leisure time as they tend to have less or none of it. To begin, sport of different types have been proposed to be of importance to different systems of the body. However, the duration of working hours have been elongated, making it detrimental to some employers which, as in turn deprived them by spending time for physical activity routine. To illustrate, working for several hours in a day will naturally cause fatigue, and sometime a psychological meltdown; in addition to this, there is also a possibility of weight gain, as there is no movement around during working hours. Eventually, there is a high rate of consumption of diet from fast food restaurant; these meals predispose the consumers to health problems like hyperglycaemia, cardiac anomalies as they contain high sugar and cholesterol content, thereby, affecting the heart and pancreas which result to diabetes and hypertensive heart diseases. Similarly, the leisure period of workers has been tampered with as there is an overflow of job to be done and this occupies their free schedule. For instance, assignment not finished at the office is brought to the house: to this reason, there is no spare hour of gymnastics. Thus, to conclude, there should be a policy and regulatory board looking into the affairs of workers, ensuring moderate working hours with respect to physical activity imbibed into their daily activities, no matter how small, as this will help to curb health problems arising from lack of exercise.
Exercise is utmost essential for the mental
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development of any individual. Issues arising from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness are most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
caused by inability of several employed
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'person'.
person's
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for workouts during the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
or at leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as they tend to have less or none of it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, sport of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types have
been proposed
to be of importance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
systems of the body.
However
, the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
have
been elongated
, making it detrimental to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers which, as in turn deprived them by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity routine. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a day will
naturally
cause fatigue, and sometime a psychological meltdown;
in addition
to this, there is
also
a possibility of weight gain, as there is no movement around during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Eventually
, there is a high rate of consumption of diet from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurant; these meals predispose the consumers to health problems like
Possible spelling mistake found.
hyperglycaemia
, cardiac anomalies as they contain high sugar and cholesterol content, thereby, affecting the heart and pancreas which result to diabetes and hypertensive heart diseases.

Similarly
, the leisure period of workers has
been tampered
with as there is an overflow of job to
be done
and this occupies their free schedule.
For instance
, assignment not finished at the office
is brought
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
: to this reason, there is no spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
of gymnastics.

Thus
,
to conclude
, there should be a policy and regulatory board looking into the affairs of workers, ensuring moderate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity imbibed into their daily activities, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curb health problems arising from lack of exercise.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students study in a quiet place. Others study in a place that has a lot of background noise, for instance, a blaring television or music playing. Which method of studying do you think is better for students and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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