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Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 4
In the era of technological development, it is believed that studying on computers is better than going to libraries. However, some people oppose this view point. In my opinion, libraries are treasures of knowledge and shall never be demolished. On the one side, reading on computers is comfortable, as a person can read even while sitting in an office or in bed. Secondly, books downloaded to laptops can be shared easily with anyone in this world. You can read the books whenever you get time. For example, if someday, you are not able to sleep at midnight, you can open your laptop and start reading your favourite book. You need not to go out for that. Furthermore, there is no chance of losing it as it can be saved at safe drives for later use. Moreover, finding a book on a computer is easier than searching multiple library shelves. On the flip side, studying in libraries gives you quite learning environment. You tend to meet like minded people. You get a chance to socialise with peers who have the same taste as yours. Also, libraries encourage the group studies, which are beneficial to learn new things. Libraries provide enormous options to choose from. For example, you can get the material written by a number of writers covering the same topic. However, this is not the case, while purchasing soft copies as a person will not spend much on identical things. Reading on computers may harm the eyesight of readers. In conclusion, reading books on computers has its own benefits, but the infrastructure provided by libraries cannot be replaced. They not only provide the silent place to concentrate better, but also the low-cost material.
In the era of technological development, it
is believed
that studying on computers is better than going to libraries.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose this view point. In my opinion, libraries are treasures of knowledge and shall never
be demolished
.

On the one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
on computers is comfortable, as a person can read even while sitting in an office or in bed.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
downloaded to laptops can
be shared
easily
with anyone in this world. You can read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
whenever you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time.
For example
, if someday, you are not able to sleep at midnight, you can open your laptop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. You need not
Did you mean "go"?
to go
out for that.
Furthermore
, there is no chance of losing it as it can
be saved
at safe drives for later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Moreover
, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
on a computer is easier than searching multiple library shelves.

On the flip side, studying in libraries gives you quite learning environment. You tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
like minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with peers who have the same taste as yours.
Also
, libraries encourage the group studies, which are beneficial to learn new things. Libraries provide enormous options to choose from.
For example
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the material written by a number of writers covering the same topic.
However
, this is not the case, while purchasing soft copies as a person will not spend much on identical things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
on computers may harm the eyesight of readers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
on computers has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the infrastructure provided by libraries cannot
be replaced
. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide the silent place to concentrate better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the low-cost material.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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