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As part of the cost of student housing, students play to have phones in their dormitory rooms. I think this is unnecessary, and the university should remove the phones from student's rooms. Room phones are not needed since students all have phones we can v.2

As part of the cost of student housing, students play to have phones in their dormitory rooms. I think this is unnecessary, and the university should remove the phones from student's rooms. Room phones are not needed since students all have phones we can v. 2
Doctors undeniably hold this opinion that in the contemporary world, people do not focus on physical activities. Consequently, their health is deteriorating and they are falling in prey of chronic diseases. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and suggest the solutions in this regard. The main reason for this is the busy lifestyle. Most of the youngsters are busy in their daily life. They have extremely hectic schedules. They are working hard to earn money and for their well being. When they come home, they are extremely tired and they prefer to relax by watching tv, laying on the bed or spend time with their loved ones. If we talk about children, they are also less involved in sports. Rather, they spend more time playing video games, using mobiles or laptops. The major reason behind this is the safety concern of children. We are hearing a lot of cases of abduction these days. Parents prefer their children to be at home, playing indoor games to keep them safe. Some imperative actions should be taken to make people realise the need of physical workouts. They should be encouraged by organising some special days like Yoga or Environment day. For example, the Haryana government has taken a bold step to save the environment by proving the bicycles on rent to the general public to help them commute from one place to other paying nominal price. Organizations should come forward and introduce special events like Marathons and reward the enthusiastic people who actively participate in such events. For children, sports and physical workouts should be added to their curriculum. It will help them to become habitual of doing exercises and gradually, it will become part of their daily routine. In conclusion, in modern days, 80% of people have a sedentary lifestyle and health issues are increasing tremendously. However, these can be controlled and people can be encouraged to introduce workouts in their daily routine by guiding them at the right time.
Doctors
undeniably
hold this opinion that in the contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not focus on physical activities.
Consequently
, their health is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
deteriorating and
they are falling in prey of chronic diseases. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and suggest the solutions in this regard.

The main reason for this is the busy lifestyle. Most of the youngsters are busy in their daily life. They have
extremely
hectic schedules. They are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn money and for their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home, they are
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
extremely tired
and they prefer to relax by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, laying on the bed or spend time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. If we talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they are
also
less involved in sports.
Rather
, they spend more time playing video games, using mobiles or laptops. The major reason behind this is the safety concern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. We
The verb 'hearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are hearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cases of abduction these days. Parents prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be at home, playing indoor games to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
imperative actions should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the need of physical workouts. They should
be encouraged
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special days like Yoga or Environment day.
For example
, the Haryana
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has taken a bold step to save the environment by proving the bicycles on rent to the
Consider using "public".
general public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them commute from one place to other paying nominal price. Organizations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and introduce special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like Marathons and reward the enthusiastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
actively
participate in such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, sports and physical workouts should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to their curriculum. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become habitual of doing exercises and
gradually
, it will become part of their daily routine.

In conclusion
, in modern days, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a sedentary lifestyle and health issues are increasing
tremendously
.
However
, these can
be controlled
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be encouraged
to introduce workouts in their daily routine by guiding them at the right time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As part of the cost of student housing, students play to have phones in their dormitory rooms. I think this is unnecessary, and the university should remove the phones from student's rooms. Room phones are not needed since students all have phones we can v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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