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Which do you think is better: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large 5 bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quiet town? v.1

Which do you think is better: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large 5 bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quiet town? v. 1
Nowadays city planning is essential to make a better nation. Few people argue that planner should have preference to gardens and gym rather than business streets and shopping malls. While others believe that shopping complexes are as important as parks and gyms. I hold the support for a second argument. There are reasons why gardens are considered as the heart of the town. First of all, parks are the best place to go for simple exercise or jogging, It helps people to live healthy and balanced life. Moreover, Parks are good spots to familiarise with neighbours. For example, wishing morning greets with passers by might lead to conversation and people can socialize with each other. In addition, A harmonious relationship between resident helps building a caring and friendly neighbourhood. Other public facilities like a stadium or gym, not only provide space to play sports but also helps to elevate citizen’s mood during the day. Even though parks and sport facilities provide huge benefit to town, we cannot ignore the importance of shopping malls. Firstly, shopping malls is the most convenient place for local resident to buy A to Z of their need. Besides this, It can lead to save the money for the transportation and shipping of goods. Secondly, Majorly the costs of products are on the lower side compared to other individual shops. Besides this, malls can provide employment in bulk for various fields such as retail, management and security to local residents. To sum up, Even though gardens and sport facilities serves to make people healthy and socially active, shopping malls are equally important in urban planning to provide convenience and jobs opportunities to locals.
Nowadays city planning is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better nation. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that planner should have preference to gardens and gym
rather
than business streets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. While others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and gyms. I hold the support for a second argument.

There are reasons why gardens
are considered
as the heart of the town.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are the best place to go for simple exercise or jogging, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy and balanced life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
spots to
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
For example
, wishing morning greets with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
passers by
might lead to conversation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can socialize with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
In addition
, A harmonious relationship between resident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to build" or "build".
building
a caring and friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
public facilities like a stadium or gym, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
space to play sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to elevate citizen’s mood during the day.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sport facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
huge benefit to town, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
is the most convenient place for local resident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
A to Z of their need.
Besides
this, It can lead to save the money for the transportation and shipping of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Secondly
,
Majorly
the costs of products are on the lower side compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individual shops.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
employment in bulk for various fields such as retail, management and security to local residents.

To sum up,
Even though
gardens and sport facilities serves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy and
socially
active,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in urban planning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
convenience and jobs opportunities to locals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Which do you think is better: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large 5 bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quiet town? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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