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Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Other believe it is better to work in a group. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Other believe it is better to work in a group. Which do you prefer? v. 1
In the past few decades, the manufacturing industry has witnessed a boom, as a result the goods have become cheaper for the consumers. Many argue that the quality of these items does not last for a long time. There are advantages and disadvantages associated with this phenomenon, I intend to discuss in this essay. To begin with, the developed countries have a stronger economy, and many of them have a full-time employment to support themselves. So, many manufacturing companies focus most of their products to them, as they can afford to re-buy the goods, even after they had been broken down or simply worn down in their quality. These companies make their profits by selling high end products for a good price, and thus, generate profitable balance sheet. However, if their products are undermined in the quality then those customers may turn away from them and look different manufacture, who may sell quality products for a reasonable price tag price tag. In contrast, the consumers nowadays search for cheaper products, and they may be willing overlooking the quality over the price. This is because it gives them a freedom to choose goods frequently without having to be stuck with the old items. For example, electronic products often change with a short span of time, as a result, they buy the most updated products on the market. However, this could also put strain on their pockets, if they keep up with this style of buying. There are shards of evidence, which suggests that many youngsters have cut down on their food over a shopping of goods. In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because the goods are sold at affordable price to the consumers, and they do not need to pay a higher price than it deserve.
In the past few decades, the manufacturing industry has witnessed a boom,
as a result
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have become cheaper for the consumers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of these items does not last for a long time. There are advantages and disadvantages associated with this phenomenon, I intend to discuss in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have a stronger economy, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have a full-time employment to support themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
focus most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to them, as they can afford to re-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, even after they had
been broken
down or
simply
worn down in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their profits by selling high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
, and
thus
, generate profitable balance sheet.
However
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are undermined
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
then those customers may turn away from them and look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
manufacture, who may sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
tag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
tag.

In contrast
, the consumers nowadays search for cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and they may be willing overlooking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
frequently
without having to
be stuck
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
items.
For example
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with a short span of time,
as a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the most updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on the market.
However
, this could
also
put strain on their pockets, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with this style of buying. There are shards of evidence, which suggests that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on their food over a shopping of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

In conclusion
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are sold
at affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to the consumers, and they do not need to pay a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
than it deserve.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Other believe it is better to work in a group. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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