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Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Others believe it is better to work in group. Which do you prefer? v.2

Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Others believe it is better to work in group. Which do you prefer? v. 2
Whether having fixed punishments for different kinds of crime has been a long-standing debate. Consequently, there are plenty of arguments supporting both for and against viewpoint. In the further paragraphs more detail will be brought out. One of the most obvious advantages of fixing the punishment is the lower cost, since there will be not need to hold a long lasting trial, and therefore the money spent on the court member can be less, and the time spend on will decrease dramatically, and this leads to another upside, the efficiency. Due to the efficiency, deterring crime will be much more effective, because people will know how harsh the punishments are and may possibly reconsider before they act. However, to some people, fixed penalties may imply a more injustice system. The difference between killing people out of defence and killing for no reason, such as serial killers, is relatively large. Therefore the motivation of committing a crime actually matters, and is supposed to take into account. If all the actions are treated in the same way, and those who break the laws share the same punishment, people may start to lose their faith in the justice system, and this is a result I believe that most people wanted to avoid. In conclusion, the disadvantages of fixing penalties outweigh the advantages. Although the process is way faster, the justice, on the other hand is not properly served. And the most important thing is to let people believe the system, so that the harmony of the society can be achieved.
Whether having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of crime has been a long-standing debate.
Consequently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of arguments supporting both for and against viewpoint. In the
further
paragraphs more detail will
be brought
out.

One of the most obvious advantages of fixing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the lower cost, since there will be not
Consider using a past participle here: "needed".
need
to hold a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
trial, and
therefore
the money spent on the court member can be less, and the time spend on will decrease
dramatically
, and this leads to another upside, the efficiency. Due to the efficiency, deterring crime will be much more effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will know how harsh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are and may
possibly
reconsider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they act.

However
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
penalties may imply a more injustice system. The difference between killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
and killing for no reason, such as serial killers, is
relatively
large.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the motivation of committing a crime actually matters, and
is supposed
to take into account. If all the actions
are treated
in the same way
, and those who break the laws share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to lose their faith in the justice system, and this is a result I believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to avoid.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of fixing penalties outweigh the advantages. Although the process is way faster, the justice,
on the other hand
is not
properly
served. And the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the harmony of the society can
be achieved
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to work on class assignment by themselves. Others believe it is better to work in group. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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