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The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v.7

The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v. 7
Many people think that happiness is very hard to explain. This is because people have different thoughts, and there are many elements that demonstrate happiness. There are various reasons why people feel hard to define, but I believe it is because the way of people’s thinking is different. People grow up in different living conditions, such as being raised in a strict family or living in liberal conditions. Diverse living environment affects the way of their thinking, which influences their definition of joy. If you were raised in a close-knit family, your criteria for explaining joy definitely is a family. For example, I live in a harmonious family and I feel happy when my family spends time together. In my opinion, the important factors that determine happiness are money, friends and health conditions. There are several important factors that determine happiness. Firstly, money is an essential factor in life, because without money we cannot do anything, like paying for the bills. In Korea, people usually say “Home is a happy place”, but unless you have enough money, you cannot enjoy your “happy place”. Secondly, “friend” is a significant factor of pleasure. When you share the joy with your friends, it doubles. Lastly, health is the element of pleasure. If you got serious diseases, you could not enjoy your life. For instance, you cannot live a normal life or you may suffer pain in a whole day. In conclusion, because of the diversity of thinking, people define happiness in many ways. However, I think the financial condition, friends and health are the elements of happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thoughts, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elements that demonstrate happiness.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
thinking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
grow up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
living conditions, such as
being raised
in a strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or living in liberal conditions. Diverse living environment affects the way of their thinking, which influences their definition of joy. If you
were raised
in a close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, your criteria for explaining joy definitely is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a harmonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and I feel happy when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
spends time together.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that determine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and health conditions. There are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that determine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we cannot do anything, like paying for the bills. In Korea,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
say “Home is a happy place”,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unless you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you cannot enjoy your “happy place”.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“friend”
is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
of pleasure. When you share the joy with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, it doubles.
Lastly
, health is the element of pleasure. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
serious diseases, you could not enjoy your life.
For instance
, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life or you may suffer pain in a whole day.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the diversity of thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and health are the elements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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