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Using points and examples from the talk, explain how learning art can impact a child’s development. v.2

Using points and examples from the talk, explain how learning art can impact a child’s development. v. 2
There is no doubt that the multinational companies spend a lot in promoting their products with the assistance of popular faces, who are loved in the society, to fascinate people towards their creativity, leading them to buy the product. This essay delve to analyse problems this trend could bring followed by measures to promote local products. To begin with, one of the major issues is that people are easily allured, when they see their favourite actors presenting the advertisement. People think their role models to be using the same accessories they are advertising for and to mimic them, they also end up buying products. For example, In search of a better toothpaste, youngsters usually goes with a famous actor representing it to buy one. Moreover, these companies make false promises many times, but under the influence of a renowned person, they get the product and upon no results they are shattered. To exemplify, many companies, who make weight loss powder arrange the celebrities and some people to assure them regarding their supplement, but their negative side is never covered, so when a person gets those side effects he feels shattered. To curb this menace, the government should think ways to create awareness among natives regarding Swadeshi goods, as they show best results while having null side effects. For instance, few yoga exercises along with consumption of warm water with a lemon and honey is a better way to be lean and that too with zero ill effects. Additionally, every actor before signing an add with a company should personally use the product. Finally, the government should ask the mankind of the nation to buy country made things, so as to boost the economy. In conclusion, large firms do not leave any chance to entrap us in their vicious circle, but we should keep our needs in our mind and try to bring home the products that are made in the native Country, as this will take our nation higher than others
There is no doubt that the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
spend a lot in promoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with the assistance of popular faces, who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
in the society, to fascinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards their creativity, leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
The verb 'delve' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay delves"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay delve
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
problems this trend could bring followed by measures to promote local products.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major issues is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
allured, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors presenting the advertisement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their role models to be using the same accessories they are advertising for and to mimic them, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying products.

For example
, In search of a better toothpaste, youngsters
usually
goes with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor representing it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
false promises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under the influence of a renowned person, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and upon no results they
are shattered
. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
weight loss powder arrange the celebrities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to assure them regarding their supplement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side is never covered,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
those side effects he feels shattered.

To curb this menace, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
ways to create awareness among natives regarding
Possible spelling mistake found.
Swadeshi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
best results while having null side effects.
For instance
, few yoga exercises along with consumption of warm water with a lemon and honey is a better way to be lean and that too with zero ill effects.
Additionally
, every actor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
signing an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ask the mankind of the nation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
country made things,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
boost the economy.

In conclusion
, large firms do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
any chance to entrap us in their vicious circle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our needs in our mind and try to bring home the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
are made
in the native Country, as this will take our nation higher than others
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the talk, explain how learning art can impact a child’s development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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