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For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v.1

For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v. 1
A few people claim that job satisfaction is mandatory and people should be pleasured with a lack of money. While others think that people have to change their own circumstances. From my point of view, the quality of life depends on income or job satisfaction which is a key factor of happiness and health. On the one hand, many people have been doing the same low paying job, whether they are happy or not with such conditions. Additionally, they do not have enthusiasm for fancy cars and houses, even though, a shortage of hard cash never bother them. In fact, they think that without a job the situation would be worsened, since the job market is extremely competitive there would be a high chance of remain unemployed. For this reason, it is highly recommended to manage life with small amount money they get from work. A survey result has found that, employee who served the company for a long period of time were not satisfied with the job, but kept working in the same position. On the other hand, some people argue that money is everything, and without it people cannot have a better life. In terms of job, getting overpay assists persons to enjoy a lavish lifestyle. However, it is true that, when someone is not pleased with the current job due to getting a small amount of money and other circumstances they do not get enough motivation of working hard and use their expertise. As a result, people endure malaise or depression, which affects not only the professional life but also the personal life. Family crisis and other bad circumstances make their life more inferior. Hence, the paramount importance is to amend the situation they are restless with. To conclude, getting job satisfactory or small amount money is not crucial, where some people believe that, this situation should be welcomed. My opinion is that, if people want to offer their children and family a better life high-income is paramount importance.
A few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is mandatory and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be pleasured
with a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
circumstances. From my point of view, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
depends on income or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction which is a key factor of happiness and health.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been doing the same low paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, whether they are happy or not with such conditions.
Additionally
, they do not have enthusiasm for fancy cars and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
even though
, a shortage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash never bother them. In fact, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the situation would
be worsened
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is
extremely
competitive there would be a high chance of remain unemployed.
For this reason
, it is
highly
recommended to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from work. A survey result has found that, employee who served the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a long period of time were not satisfied with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
working in the same position.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is everything, and without it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, getting overpay assists persons to enjoy a lavish lifestyle.
However
, it is true that, when someone is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to getting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
circumstances they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their expertise.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
endure malaise or depression, which affects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Family crisis and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more inferior.
Hence
, the paramount importance is to amend the situation they are restless with.

To conclude
, getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfactory or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not crucial, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, this situation should
be welcomed
. My opinion is that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to offer their children and family a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
high-income is paramount importance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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