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Some students prefer to study at home; others prefer to study in the library. Which do you think is best and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some students prefer to study at home; others prefer to study in the library. Which do you think is best and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Although, it is considered by many that demand of cinema to watch movies will decrease because of availability of same through various technological devices; however, others argue that ultimate satisfaction is obtained by the traditional way of seeing movies. Both sides has its own pros and construction. Therefore, before commenting on my opinion, both the sides need to be discussed. Among the many arguments put forward by those who support the former view, perhaps, the most plausible one is related to convince of timing. To be more precise, viewing films through the internet allows individual to watch it at any time, which provides leisure of timing instead of attending mandatory hours of play house. For instance, people can start seeing movies in the morning and pause it in between and can watch later at night due to various circumstances. Furthermore, online platform used for entertainment purpose is cost effective than the movie theatre. Thus, the flexibility provided by online platform to observe the drama encourages people to pursue towards it instead of going to the movie hall. On the other hand, latter view suggests that they are an essential way of entertainment because of their surroundings. It is to say that gigantic screen and sound system used by cinema hall provides the pleasure of viewing drama, which is not in case of technological platform. For example, a recent survey has conducted that the majority of individuals opt for cinema hall to watch movies because of their features and animation used for portraying the film. Moreover, people can increase their social group by meeting new individuals which have also come for the same action. Therefore, the multiplex is preferred by most of the people because of its atmosphere. To conclude and offer my opinion, I would say that the second way is the most ideal way of sitting and watching movies due to its ever increasing popularity.
Although, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that demand of cinema to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
will decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of availability of same through various technological devices;
however
, others argue that ultimate satisfaction
is obtained
by the traditional way of seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Both sides
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and construction.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting on my opinion, both the sides need to
be discussed
.

Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments put forward by those who support the former view, perhaps, the most plausible one
is related
to convince of timing. To be more precise, viewing films through the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it at any time, which provides leisure of timing
instead
of attending mandatory hours of play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the morning and pause it in between and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
later at night due to various circumstances.
Furthermore
, online platform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment purpose
is cost
Use "(effective)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
effective
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.

Thus
, the flexibility provided by online platform to observe the drama encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue towards it
instead
of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
hall.

On the other hand
, latter view suggests that they are an essential way of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their surroundings. It is to say that gigantic screen and sound system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by cinema hall provides the pleasure of viewing drama, which is not in case of technological platform.
For example
, a recent survey has conducted that the majority of individuals opt for cinema hall to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their features and animation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for portraying the film.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can increase their social group by meeting new individuals which have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for the same action.
Therefore
, the multiplex
is preferred
by most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its atmosphere.

To conclude
and offer my opinion, I would say that the second way is the most ideal way of sitting and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
due to its
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
popularity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to study at home; others prefer to study in the library. Which do you think is best and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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