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Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house off campus. Which do you prefer? v.2

Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house off campus. Which do you prefer? v. 2
Nowadays, there is a rapid growing of motor vehicles such as cars and motorbikes that owned by the individuals and also represents their status in the community. Although these private automobiles are comfortable for the people, but there are several negative aspects. However, this essay intends to discuss about the ill effects caused by this scenario and provide solutions to tackle this situation. There are myriad disadvantages of using these private vehicles heavily. Firstly, pollution is one of the major issues caused by these, and also leads to severe damage to the environment. For instance, more than a 50 percent of the global warming is due to the air pollution, which takes place by the releasing of harmful gases like carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Another important difficulty faced by these, is a traffic congestion, which frequently happening in the crowded areas of the city centres. This is responsible for the noise pollution that harms for the people, who are living around the congested areas. There are enormous solutions to control this damage to the surroundings and people. One effective solution is to encourage people towards public transport, instead of commuting on their own vehicles. This could only achieve the government by implementing certain rules and regulations on the non-governmental vehicles. Furthermore, people tend to aware of these serious issues caused by them, which have a critical impact on the environment as well as dwellers. For example, an environmental campaign is organised by the law enforcement agency to make awareness to the each and every individual about this concern. To conclude, these increasing numbers of automobiles are mainly affecting the climate, thus, it can be reduced by the government by imposing certain restrictions on the private vehicles.
Nowadays, there is a rapid growing of motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
such as cars and motorbikes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the individuals and
also
represents their status in the community. Although these private automobiles are comfortable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
However
, this essay intends to
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
ill effects caused by this scenario and provide solutions to tackle this situation.

There are myriad disadvantages of using these private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
heavily
.
Firstly
, pollution is one of the major issues caused by these, and
also
leads to severe damage to the environment.
For instance
, more than a 50 percent of the global warming is due to the air pollution, which takes place by the releasing of harmful gases like carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
difficulty faced by these, is a traffic congestion, which
frequently
happening in the crowded areas of the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This is responsible for the noise pollution that harms for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are living around the congested areas.

There are enormous solutions to control this damage to the surroundings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One effective solution is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards public transport,
instead
of commuting on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by implementing certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations on the non-governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to aware of these serious issues caused by them, which have a critical impact on the environment
as well
as dwellers.
For example
, an environmental campaign is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the law enforcement agency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
and every individual about this concern.

To conclude
, these increasing numbers of automobiles are
mainly
affecting the climate,
thus
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by imposing certain restrictions on the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house off campus. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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