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Student should choose a university major that prepares them for high paying careers To what extend do you agree with this statement v.1

Student should choose a university major that prepares them for high paying careers 1
Running a family business is now globally preferred, especially in the country like India, where it is a tradition of value and to respect all family members. A portion of the society thinks that, working in a family business is an efficient way to be successful in any kind of venture. However, there are some demerits too. This essay evaluates both pros and cons of this trend. Looking at the positive side, the most important advantage of working with kith and kin is, people can work without the fear of being betrayed. As family members have been living together for a long time, they all are trustworthy and they know each others work style, nature, strengths and weaknesses, which can help to distribute business tasks according to one's ability. As a result, it can increase the profit of the firm. For example, the famous wafer brand Balaji, is run by a Balaji family, in which, each and every family member contributes a lot to enhance their profitability of the home business and today it is at the number one position in successful businesses. In spite of having a lot of positive points, this culture has a several drawbacks too. Having all good family persons is not in every one's luck. Some people are greedy and do, envy to the success of other family members. Being cheated by such relatives, eventually spoils relations. For instance, Reliance India, the company is run by an Ambani family having two brothers. But, due to loss in business in 2001, both brothers are separated. To conclude, despite having so many advantages, negative points cannot be over-looked. Overall, it depends on how much home members are trust able.
Running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
globally preferred,
especially
in the country like India, where it is a tradition of value and to respect all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. A portion of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that, working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is an efficient way to be successful in any kind of venture.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits too. This essay evaluates both pros and cons of this trend.

Looking at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage of working with kith and kin is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work without the fear of
being betrayed
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have been living together for a long time, they all are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trustworthy and
they know each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
work style, nature, strengths and weaknesses, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
tasks according to one's ability.
As a result
, it can increase the profit of the firm.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
wafer brand Balaji,
is run
by a Balaji
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, in which, each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
contributes a lot to enhance their profitability of the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it is at the number one position in successful businesses.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points, this culture has a several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "drawback"?
drawbacks
too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
persons is not in every one's luck.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are greedy and do, envy to the success of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Being cheated
by such relatives,
eventually
spoils relations.
For instance
, Reliance India, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is run
by an
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
two brothers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, due to loss in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in 2001, both brothers
are separated
.

To conclude
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points cannot be over-looked.
Overall
, it depends on how much home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are trust able.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Student should choose a university major that prepares them for high paying careers 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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