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Some students prefer to have more independent study classes, others think that classroom time with professor led lesson and research are more valuble. v.1

Some students prefer to have more independent study classes, others think that classroom time with professor led lesson and research are more valuble. v. 1
Education and healthcare are two main sectors which are always at the centre of debate whether they should be funded by the government or not. In my opinion, free funding should be provided only to someone who is meeting certain criteria in the case of education and for everyone when it comes to health care. In this essay, we are going to discuss whether these sectors should be funded or should they be the responsibility of the individual. I believe that learning is a must for every individual. Therefore, the government should only fund those who are not able to afford it. Funding can encourage parents from poor sections of the society to enrol their children into schools. Whereas, there is no need to provide funding to those who are already able to afford it. For instance, In our country, people who are below the poverty line are reluctant to enrol their children citing the school fee as the reason. If the government is able to fund these sections then this can increase the number of children enrolling in the schools, colleges and also provide them with an opportunity to improve their standards of living. In addition to this, Funding can also be provided to merit students as this could provide them with a sense of achievement. Coming to healthcare, I feel that it can be provided free of cost, for all the sections of society. Funding the healthcare will prevent people from ignoring any illness and get it checked as soon as possible. For example, many people ignore the initial symptoms of the disease as they hope that they will subside on their own without spending any amount for checkups. However, neglecting early signs can lead to something more serious and can also lead to the spread of infections among others. In summary, As education helps the poor to improve their standard of living and also provides a sense of achievement, for the scholar's education should be provided to them free of cost. In the case of healthcare, it should be funded for everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and healthcare are two main sectors which are always at the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of debate whether they should
be funded
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or not. In my opinion, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is meeting certain criteria in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and for everyone when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to health care. In this essay, we are going to discuss whether these sectors should
be funded
or should they be the responsibility of the individual.

I believe that learning is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for every individual.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fund those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not able to afford it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Funding
can encourage parents from poor sections of the society to enrol their children into schools.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, there is no need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already able to afford it.
For instance
, In our country,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are below the poverty line are reluctant to enrol their children citing the school fee as the reason. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is able to fund these sections then this can increase the number of children enrolling in the schools, colleges and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standards of living.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Funding
can
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
to merit students as this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with a sense of achievement.

Coming to healthcare, I feel that it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
free of cost, for all the sections of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Funding
the healthcare will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from ignoring any illness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the initial symptoms of the disease as they hope that they will subside on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without spending any amount for checkups.
However
, neglecting early signs can lead to something more serious and can
also
lead to the spread of infections among others.

In summary, As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the poor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a sense of achievement, for the scholar's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
to them free of cost. In the case of healthcare, it should
be funded
for everyone.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to have more independent study classes, others think that classroom time with professor led lesson and research are more valuble. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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