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Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 1
As we all know, it is a long journey for a person to become a scholar. Some people believe that team work will boost individual cognitive capacity. However, I agree with them under certain conditions. The essay will discuss my agreement with this view and also list my opinion against it. To begin with, it is a truth that team work will encourage the growth of cognitive intelligence and wisdom as long as all members are willing to cooperate together. If a team consists of all members with attitudes of willing to learn together, it will enhance their individual knowledge growth. There is a Chinese saying, " In a group of people with more than three individuals, there is always a teacher among them. " During team work,  members will contribute the team in terms of  their various educational backgrounds, personal experiences and individual ideas.  People may learn new concepts during team work, which may not be learned from books or limited personal experience. Therefore, people have opportunities to practice their cognitive skills, such as logical thinking skills, expressing skills and summarizing skills, so that they become smarter via team activity. On the contrast, in some certain situations, team work may diminish the opportunities for the members' cognitive improvement. For instance, it is a tough task for team members who work together with opposite views in religions or politics. Therefore, in this condition, team work may create conflict and it is a challenging task for each member to reach the same agreement. This will distort participants' thought rather than helping them to obtain knowledge. In this condition, team work might affect the participants' intelligence growth. In conclusion, team activity may not always contribute to the growth of team member's cognitive skills. Whether team work will enhance the growth of an individual's intelligence will depend on many aspects of team members, such as personal values, religion and attitude as well. I personally agree that the majority of team work will help the participants to obtain knowledge and become wiser.
As we all know, it is a long journey for a person to become a scholar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will boost individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
capacity.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them under certain conditions. The essay will discuss my agreement with this view and
also
list my opinion against it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
intelligence and wisdom as long as all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are willing to cooperate together. If a team consists of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
with attitudes of willing to learn together, it will enhance their individual knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
. There is a Chinese saying,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
In a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more than three individuals, there is always a teacher among them.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 members
will contribute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
in terms of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
their various educational backgrounds, personal experiences and individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.  
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may learn new concepts during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which may not
be learned
from books or limited personal experience.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunities to practice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as logical thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, expressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and summarizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they become smarter via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
activity.

On the contrast, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may diminish the opportunities for the members'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
improvement.
For instance
, it is a tough task for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together with opposite views in religions or politics.
Therefore
, in this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may create conflict and it is a challenging task for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
to reach the same agreement. This will distort participants'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
rather
than helping them to obtain knowledge. In this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might affect the participants' intelligence growth.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
activity may not always contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of an individual's intelligence will depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, such as personal values, religion and attitude
as well
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the participants to obtain knowledge and become wiser.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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