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Some students prefer to choose a career before getting into college. Other students prefer to choose a career after taking some university courses. Which one do you prefer and why? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response v.1

Some students prefer to choose a career before getting into college. Other students prefer to choose a career after taking some university courses. Which one do you prefer and why? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response v. 1
Now a days, with the increase in the number of television channels there are lot of the way of entertainment has been started. We watch a lot of the programs on a different channel which are very joyful and we really enjoyed them. Due to increase in their viewer-ship, these actors and musician get a lot of money for their performances. I believe they are getting more money than their work and there are a lot of other occupations which are not getting money as they deserved. As television becomes very popular in the current era, we see there are a lot of programs that telecast on the television. Some of them are comedy and other are romantic dramas and movies. A lot of people love to watch them and due to high TRP these actors get very handsome amount for their acting. On the other hand, there are other professions which are very intensive in nature of work but they are getting less money. For instance, doctors and engineers are very vital profession of the society, but we see they are getting very less amount of money. A fresh doctor can get around 20K per month, but an ordinary actor can get in million. So I reckon, rather than giving a huge amount of the money to actor for their ordinary acting, we must realize that doctor and engineer play very positive role for the society so we must encourage them by increasing their income. In conclusion, Its true entertainment is valuable in current era, but we must encourage those professions which are much more important than acting. Increasing their incomes can help them to work hard and this will improve our society.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
, with the increase in the number of television channels there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
the way of entertainment has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of the programs on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channel which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
joyful and
we
really
enjoyed them. Due to increase in their viewer-ship, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
and musician
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their performances. I believe they are getting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than their work and there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations which are not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they deserved.

As television becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of programs that telecast on the television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are comedy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
are romantic dramas and movies. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them and due to high TRP these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handsome amount for their acting.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intensive in nature of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are getting less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, doctors and engineers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital profession of the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
they are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. A fresh doctor can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
around 20K per month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I reckon,
rather
than giving a huge amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
for their ordinary acting, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize that doctor and engineer play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role for the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage them by increasing their income.

In conclusion
, Its true entertainment is valuable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage those professions which are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than acting. Increasing their incomes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some students prefer to choose a career before getting into college. Other students prefer to choose a career after taking some university courses. Which one do you prefer and why? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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