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Many college students will get homesick when they go away to college. What do you think college students should do to reduce homesickness? Explain why? Include specific reasons and examples in your response. v.1

Many college students will get homesick when they go away to college. What do you think college students should do to reduce homesickness? Explain why? Include specific reasons and examples in your response. v. 1
Advertisements are supposed to be the form of mass communication. Presently, some people assert that advertisements shown on television are lucrative for people in many ways. By contrast, others have conflicting views. In my view, advertisements have more advantages than disadvantages. This essay intends to discuss both views before reaching a valid conclusion. There are multifarious points to endorsing the former view. The first and the foremost, watching advertisements enable people to become skilful shoppers. They can buy the superior collection for themselves with the help of advertisements. To demonstrate, watching adverts give people a window to the latest and exclusive products that are coming on the market with astonishing features and facilities. In addition, people get to know about the special offers, heavy discounts on products and various schemes that are run by the commercial sectors. Consequently, advertisements play a phenomenal role to uplift the standard of shopping. What is more, some advertisements also spread social awareness about general issues related to health, environment, cleanliness, and government policies. Thus, people become advanced and lift up their standard of living. On the contrary, opposite wind is also there. To commence with, advertisements are making people, extravagantly in every part of the world. Buying things unnecessarily has become the habit of modern people. To illustrate, advertisements exaggerate the information about products by adding spice into the real story. Advertisement broadcasters not only hire prominent celebrities to endorse their products but also show products in gorgeous packaging. This is really alluring people towards products and they get encouraged to buy things whether they need or not. Lastly, advertisements promote excessive consumerism and it ultimately leads to the problem of rubbish and some environmental concerns. To recapitulate, undeniably, advertisements have few negative outcomes. However, I still believe that adverts are extremely beneficial for people to lift up their standards of shopping and social awareness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are supposed
to be the form of mass communication.
Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
shown on television are lucrative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. By contrast, others have conflicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have more advantages than disadvantages. This essay intends to discuss both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a valid conclusion.

There are multifarious points to endorsing the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. The
first
and the foremost, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
shoppers. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the superior collection for themselves with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. To demonstrate, watching adverts give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a window to the latest and exclusive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are coming on the market with astonishing features and facilities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the special offers, heavy discounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and various schemes that
are run
by the commercial sectors.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play a phenomenal role to uplift the standard of shopping.
What is more
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
spread social awareness about general issues related to health, environment, cleanliness, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become advanced and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
their standard of living.
On the contrary
, opposite wind is
also
there.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
extravagantly
in every part of the world. Buying things
unnecessarily
has become the habit of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
exaggerate the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by adding spice into the real story.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
broadcasters not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hire prominent celebrities to endorse their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in gorgeous packaging. This is
really
alluring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouraged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things whether they need or not.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
promote excessive consumerism and it
ultimately
leads to the problem of rubbish and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental concerns.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes.
However
, I
still
believe that adverts are
extremely
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
their standards of shopping and social awareness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many college students will get homesick when they go away to college. What do you think college students should do to reduce homesickness? Explain why? Include specific reasons and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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