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Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. Give reasons for your v.1

Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Give reasons for your v. 1
In some nations young adults are inspired to take up employment or tour the world for twelve months between leaving high school and enrolling into higher institution. Youths who decide to travel or work gain valuable experience, but there are drawbacks to be considered. One of the benefits of encouraging young adults to get a job or travel before enrolling in the university is that they gain valuable experience. That is, they acquire knowledge that will help them in life endeavours later in life when they are faced with difficult situations especially in the university. For example, my cousin, James, was able to handle his relationships adequately with people while at the university because of the experience he had while attending a seminar on relationships immediately he finished high school. So, touring or working after secondary school opens the avenue to gain knowledge. However, one problem, when youngsters pick up employment or tour the world is that it potentially makes them lose focus. In other words, they get carried away by the happenings in the world or with the fact that they are making money, and will not want to further their education. Take for instance, my neighbour’s son who was opportune to learn how to develop softwares when he finished high school. He makes good money from it and has refused furthering to higher institution despite persuasions. Therefore, touring or working can make young adults lose focus. In conclusion, while youngsters can benefit from travelling and working, they can get carried away with making money, which can be detrimental in the long run.
In
some
nations young adults
are inspired
to take up employment or tour the world for twelve months between leaving high
school
and enrolling into higher institution. Youths who decide to travel or work gain valuable experience,
but
there are drawbacks to
be considered
.

One of the benefits of encouraging young adults to
get
a job or travel
before
enrolling in the university is that they gain valuable experience.
That is
, they acquire knowledge that will
help
them in life
endeavours
later in life when they
are faced
with difficult situations
especially
in the university.
For example
, my cousin, James, was able to handle his relationships
adequately
with
people
while at the university
because
of the experience he had while attending a seminar on relationships immediately he finished high
school
.
So
, touring or working after secondary
school
opens the avenue to gain knowledge.

However
, one problem, when youngsters pick up employment or tour the world is that it
potentially
makes
them lose focus.
In other words
, they
get
carried away by the happenings in the world or with the fact that they are making money, and will not want to
further
their education. Take
for instance
, my
neighbour
’s son who was opportune to learn how to develop
softwares
when he finished high
school
. He
makes
good
money from it and has refused furthering to higher institution despite persuasions.
Therefore
, touring or working can
make
young adults lose focus.

In conclusion
, while youngsters can benefit from travelling and working, they can
get
carried away with making money, which can be detrimental in the long run.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others believe that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Give reasons for your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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