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Some students leave their parents when they go to university but some students live with parents, which do you think is a better practice? v.1

Some students leave their parents when they go to university but some students live with parents, which do you think is a better practice? v. 1
Providing comfortable and suitable transport system has always been one of the major tasks of the governments for its citizens. While both railways and roads play a crucial role in the comfort of the citizens, I do believe that the importance of the roads outweighs the importance of the railways. Firstly, varying from walking on foot to driving your car, roads have always been the centre of the transportation. Therefore, if the infrastructure of the roads is not improved by the government, it can affect the whole country. Having poor roads can lead car crashes and loss of many people, which could create a tension in the country as well. Secondly, the roads are used by many people than railways. Even if people do not have cars, they can still use roads for biking, for public transport or at least for walking. Railways, on the other hand, are only handy if you are travelling long distances. Moreover, travelling on railways may not be suitable for everyone as it may be a little bit expensive for some. Furthermore, investing in roads can me more rewarding than investing in railways. Improved and clean roads can boost the image of the country as well. Better roads can attract more tourists and they can be a good source for some sports, like Formula races. This type of sports can attract many fans all around the universe and can be a source of great income. However, railways do not offer this chance. In conclusion, investing in roads can be helpful in improving public transportation and public satisfaction.
Providing comfortable and suitable transport system has always been one of the major tasks of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
for its citizens. While both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
play a crucial role in the comfort of the citizens, I do believe that the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
outweighs the importance of the railways.

Firstly
, varying from walking on foot to driving your car,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
have always been the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the transportation.
Therefore
, if the infrastructure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it can affect the whole country. Having poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can lead car crashes and loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which could create a tension in the country
as well
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
. Even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have cars, they can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
for biking, for public transport or at least for walking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Railways
,
on the other hand
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
handy if you are travelling long distances.
Moreover
, travelling on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
may not be suitable for everyone as it may be a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
expensive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.

Furthermore
, investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can me more rewarding than investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improved
and clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can boost the image of the country
as well
. Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can attract more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tourists and
they can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports, like Formula races. This type of sports can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans all around the universe and can be a source of great income.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
do not offer this chance.

In conclusion
, investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can be helpful in improving public transportation and public satisfaction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students leave their parents when they go to university but some students live with parents, which do you think is a better practice? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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