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In some countries, rich countries are becoming rich and poor are becoming poorer. What are the causes of this problem? How can this problem be tackle? v.1

In some countries, rich countries are becoming rich and poor are becoming poorer. What are the causes of this problem? How can this problem be tackle? v. 1
In this contemporary era, the gap between poor and rich nations is widening due to low levels of corruption and a better governance in the affluent state, whereas the destitute nations do not pose a satisfactory policy due to which they are not progressing. This essay will not only highlight the problems associated with this issue, but also address some potential measures to mitigate it. On the one hand, the wealthy state has been growing tremendously because of the zero tolerance rate towards corruptions. Moreover, the public can vote for the educated candidates during elections in order to develop the nations. For instance, affluent cities like America, Canada use their sources effectively, so that they are able to provide all the necessary services to the citizens. On the flip side, the poverty-stricken region is moving towards poverty. Although such nations have all the sources the governments fear to invest in the immense projects. For instance, though Nepal is the second richest country in the natural resource, above 60% of Nepalese encounter with the problem of electricity. Furthermore, the corruption of the leaders is a higher in the developing nations which hinders the people's lives. In order to resolve this issue, initially, the poor state should be collaborating with the rich nations. Secondly, the residents should only vote the literate and experience participants. Thirdly, the dishonesty ought to be controlled by enacting strict imprisonment as well as national resources would be utilised properly. In conclusion, even though some communities are moving into a greater success, some are still below the poverty levels. Hence, it could be controlled by both individuals and legislators effort by choosing suitable candidates and alleviating the corruption level from the country.
In this contemporary era, the gap between poor and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is widening due to low levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
and a better governance in the affluent state, whereas the destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
do not pose a satisfactory policy due to which they are not progressing. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
highlight the problems associated with this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential measures to mitigate it.

On the one hand, the wealthy state has been growing
tremendously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the zero tolerance rate towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruptions
.
Moreover
, the public can vote for the educated candidates during elections in order to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For instance
, affluent cities like America, Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their sources
effectively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are able to provide all the necessary services to the citizens.

On the flip side, the poverty-stricken region is moving towards poverty.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have all the sources the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
fear to invest in the immense projects.
For instance
, though Nepal is the second richest country in the natural resource, above 60% of Nepalese encounter with the problem of electricity.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
of the leaders is a higher in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which hinders the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In order to resolve this issue,
initially
, the poor state should be collaborating with the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Secondly
, the residents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vote the literate and experience participants.
Thirdly
, the dishonesty ought to
be controlled
by enacting strict imprisonment
as well
as national resources would be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
properly
.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities are moving into a greater success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
still
below the poverty levels.
Hence
, it could
be controlled
by both individuals and legislators effort by choosing suitable candidates and alleviating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
level from the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, rich countries are becoming rich and poor are becoming poorer. What are the causes of this problem? How can this problem be tackle? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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