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SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v.1

SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v. 1
At present, there are various kinds of music in the world. It is necessary for calming the chaos in life and also for preserving cultural aspects of a particular nation. This traditional music of any country is important over borrowed musical taste from international market. Music is required for relaxation and to connect with one's roots. This is to say, this form of entertainment de-stresses people and provides calmness. For example, music therapy is being widely used these days to treat anxiety and depression. The other reason for its necessity is to remain near with our origin, because music that is sung in mother tongue gives us a sense of belonging. To exemplify, migrants in abroad come together once in a while to celebrate and the traditional music is an important part of every celebration. Therefore, musical form of entertainment is needed for human to keep them relaxed and united. Of course, the traditional music of one country is more crucial than recent widespread international music because classical music reflects culture, history and often times lifestyles of the population residing in that region. For instance, every nation has their unique musical instruments that have been passed on to many generations and tells stories about an old culture including language, daily lives and struggles, such as Nepal has "Sarangi' and 'Tunguna'. These two instruments have embedded long history in them. Traditional music can illustrate the difference between past and present times. Thus, it is essential to protect these forms from dying out. In conclusion, we need music to forget the hardships of daily life and to stay closer with our native people, hence old music of a country is highly prominent than modern global music so as to preserve cultural identity.
At present, there are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the world. It is necessary for calming the chaos in life and
also
for preserving cultural aspects of a particular nation. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of any country is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
over borrowed musical taste from international market.

Music
is required
for relaxation and to connect with one's roots. This is to say, this form of entertainment de-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and provides calmness.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
therapy is being
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
these days to treat anxiety and depression. The other reason for its necessity is to remain near with our origin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
is sung
in mother tongue gives us a sense of belonging. To exemplify, migrants in abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together once in a while to celebrate and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of every celebration.
Therefore
, musical form of entertainment
is needed
for human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them relaxed and united.

Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of one country is more crucial than recent widespread international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
reflects culture, history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times lifestyles of the population residing in that region.
For instance
, every nation has their unique musical instruments that have
been passed
on to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
generations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
stories about an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
culture including language, daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and struggles, such as Nepal has
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sarangi
' and '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tunguna
'. These two instruments have embedded long history in them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can illustrate the difference between past and present times.
Thus
, it is essential to protect these forms from dying out.

In conclusion
, we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to forget the hardships of daily life and to stay closer with our native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a country is
highly
prominent than modern global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
preserve cultural identity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay SOme students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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