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Nowadays, people pay more attention to protecting culture and environment and the possibility of "responsible tourist", but many people believe that it is impossible to be a "responsible tourist'. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays, people pay more attention to protecting culture and environment and the possibility of "responsible tourist", but many people believe that it is impossible to be a "responsible tourist'. v. 1
Extracurricular activities are an important part of educational institutions to develop the personality as well as strengthen the classroom learning in students. So, some schools have made, it compulsory for the students to be part of the community. In my opinion, it is a good way to make children to spend some time with mature people and in the society. This essay will further elaborate the benefits of this trend and thus will form a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement, the children will get many benefits by helping others in the society. Firstly, it will inculcate the helping nature in students, which make them more helpful by nature and in the future they will not hesitate to help others. Secondly, if, students spend a day or more with mature persons they will learn many things from them, because they have more life experience and they can share it with youngsters. Thirdly, if, children spend some with those, who are handicapped than they will understand the pain and the feeling of missing limbs and can get lifetime lesson. Furthermore, according to my prospective, I think, it should be compulsory in schools because this way children can learn and understand the life better. For example, nowadays many people living in the nuclear families, due to which children always get deprived of the love of grandparents and, if, they hang out with aged people they will understand that elders are a blissful and they will value them and their parents also. More to it, these days most of the youngsters do not value their existence and always indulge in dangerous activities and games and, if, they spend time with disabled they will understand the importance and value of life. To conclude, helping in the community gave students an entity lesson and also inculcate helping nature in them. However, teachers can guide them and encourage them to be part of a group.
Extracurricular activities are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of educational institutions to develop the personality
as well
as strengthen the classroom learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools have made,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
compulsory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be part of the community. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and in the society. This essay will
further
elaborate the benefits of this trend and
thus
will form a logical conclusion.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the statement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits by helping others in the society.
Firstly
, it will inculcate the helping nature in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more helpful by nature and in the future they will not hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.
Secondly
, if,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a day or more with mature persons they will learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experience and
they can share it with youngsters.
Thirdly
, if,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
with those, who
are handicapped
than they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the pain and the feeling of missing limbs and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lifetime lesson.

Furthermore
, according to my prospective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it should be compulsory in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the life better.
For example
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the nuclear families, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deprived of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of grandparents and, if, they hang out with aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
that elders are a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
blissful and
they will value them and their parents
also
. More to it, these days most of the youngsters do not value their existence and always indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities and games and, if, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time with disabled they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the importance and value of life.

To conclude
, helping in the community gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
an entity lesson and
also
inculcate helping nature in them.
However
, teachers can guide them and encourage them to be part of a group.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people pay more attention to protecting culture and environment and the possibility of "responsible tourist", but many people believe that it is impossible to be a "responsible tourist'. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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