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Some students found some subjects such as mathematics, philosophy, are difficult, so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some students found some subjects such as mathematics, philosophy, are difficult, so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory. v. 1
There is no denying the fact that subjects like mathematics, and philosophy are difficult for many students. However, it is a long-lasting debate that these subjects should be made optional rather than obligatory. I strongly disagree with this phenomenon to a large extend and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments further. Mathematics plays a vital role in our life. All students do not want to be engineers or bank managers but they should still be able to do addition and subtraction. Also they should understand the concepts of multiplication and division. These are beneficial for students' future. For example, children will become grown-up, when they have to manage their finances and this situation is helpful for adult life. Furthermore, mathematics can helping other subjects, Therefore, mathematics influences the power of making connections between theory and applied situations. For instance, interpretation of acceleration and speed in physics requires some useful chapters in mathematics such as integrals, and derivatives. As a result, mathematics is influenced positively on students education and future. In addition, students who learn philosophy get a great many benefits. Philosophy students learn hoe to write clearly, and to read closely. This is beneficial for further education and in employment. Research study proved that philosophy students have historically scored higher on tests like the SAT and GRE, on average, than almost any other discipline. On the contrary, many students do not have an interest in studying mathematics and philosophy. Because they do not work in this field and particular subjects. While the education system allows their preference when they start university. To conclude, I do not reckon with the view that subjects like mathematics and philosophy should be optional because studying these subjects has numerous advantages in other education and future. Although they should to pick their subjects in university.
There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students.

However
, it is a long-lasting debate that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be made
optional
rather
than obligatory. I
strongly
disagree with this phenomenon to a large extend and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments
further
.

Mathematics plays a vital role in our life. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not want to be engineers or bank managers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
still
be able to do addition and subtraction.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they should understand the concepts of multiplication and division. These are beneficial for students' future.
For example
, children will become grown-up, when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage their finances and this situation is helpful for adult life.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
can helping other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
influences the power of making connections between theory and applied situations.
For instance
, interpretation of acceleration and speed in physics requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful chapters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
such as integrals, and derivatives.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is influenced
positively
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and future.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn hoe to write
clearly
, and to read
closely
. This is beneficial for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and in employment. Research study proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
historically
scored higher on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
like the SAT and GRE, on average, than almost any other discipline.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have an interest in studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not work in this field and particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
their preference when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
university.

To conclude
, I do not reckon with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
should be optional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
studying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has numerous advantages in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and future.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
they should to pick their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in university.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some students found some subjects such as mathematics, philosophy, are difficult, so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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