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Some students find certain subjects, such as maths and philosophy, difficult. So, some people argue that these subjects should not be compulsory for all. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some students find certain subjects, such as maths and philosophy, difficult. So, some people argue that these subjects should not be compulsory for all. v. 1
It is argued by some people that students should be free to choose what they will study. They think that they should have the chance to stay away from difficult subjects such as mathematics or philosophy. I completely disagree with this opinion for the following reasons. To begin with, younger people are too focused on fun and entertainment because of their nature. If given the chance, they may not even want to go to school. So, there is no point in asking for their opinion in such cases. Their ideas may be used for designing the school or activities, but the framework must be created by adults, particularly scientists. In addition, at least a basic understanding mathematics is critical in our age. We deal with numbers in all aspects of modern life, from making investments to setting up a family budget. If we lack sufficient mathematical knowledge as adults, we may be deceived more often than usual. It may be hard to believe, but there are still people who cannot make easy calculations. This is because of skipping math lessons or failing them. Finally, philosophy may be difficult, but it teaches us to question life properly. We all need to find meaning in life. This is where philosophy steps in. It allows us to compare former beliefs with our own. In the end, we come up with a synthesis and live up to it. For example, many people have found peace in Buddhism although there was not even a single Buddhist around them. This is all thanks to philosophy. So, the earlier students learn about philosophy, the closer they will be to finding meaning in life. In conclusion, I believe that difficult lessons should be integrated into the curriculum, regardless of the opinion of the students. They will be beneficial in the long run.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that students should be free to choose what they will study. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should have the chance to stay away from difficult subjects such as mathematics or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
. I completely disagree with this opinion for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too focused on fun and entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their nature. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance, they may not even want to go to school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is no point in asking for their opinion in such cases. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for designing the school or activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the framework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be created
by adults,
particularly
scientists.

In addition
, at least a basic understanding mathematics is critical in our age. We deal with numbers in all aspects of modern life, from making investments to setting up a family budget. If we lack sufficient mathematical knowledge as adults, we may
be deceived
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than usual. It may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to believe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
easy calculations. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of skipping math lessons or failing them.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
may be difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it teaches us to question life
properly
. We all need to find meaning in life. This is where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
steps in. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to compare former beliefs with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a synthesis and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to it.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have found peace in Buddhism although there was not even a single Buddhist around them. This is all thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the earlier students learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
, the closer they will be to finding meaning in life.

In conclusion
, I believe that difficult lessons should
be integrated
into the curriculum, regardless of the opinion of the students. They will be beneficial in the long run.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students find certain subjects, such as maths and philosophy, difficult. So, some people argue that these subjects should not be compulsory for all. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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