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Some children find some subjects as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult to learn so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some children find some subjects as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult to learn so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory v. 1
There is no doubt that some students struggle to learning subjects as mathematics or philosophy. Therefore, it is claimed that pupils ought to choose whether or not to learn them. This essay completely disagree with this statement and will develop a reasoned opinion why these subjects should be taught for all students. To begin with, mathematics and philosophy are paramount subjects to learn how to develop a normal life. This is because math is present in all aspects of life, everything we do is based on a number. For example, the simply act of buying a product in a supermarket demand a person to sum or multiplicate in order to complete the payment. In addition, learning philosophy is vital to learn how to develop a critically thinking. To illustrate this, in order to discuss a problem, the brain has to analize it in advance, and this is taught in phylosophy. On the other hand, many people believe that these skills should be optional and schools should promote personalized learning. Hence, pupils could be able to learn and boost different skills depending on their individual abilities. As a consequence, they would be more likely to achieve a higher academic level. For example, if a children strenght is biology, he could be taught this subject in more detail with a personalized plan that boost his knowledge and thus become expert in this field. Despite this attractive benefit of leaving some subjects apart, I think that such as math and philosophy are vital for learning those others. For instance, in the cycle of krebs in biology, is extremely important to know how to multiplicate the number of molecules in order to understand the process. To conclude, although learning individualized subjects can enhance the level of education of a student, I believe that subjects such as math and phylosophy are paramount for making a proper living.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students struggle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as mathematics or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
.
Therefore
, it
is claimed
that pupils ought to choose
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
them. This essay completely disagree with this statement and will develop a reasoned opinion why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be taught
for all students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to develop a normal life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
math is present in all aspects of life, everything we do
is based
on a number.
For example
, the
simply
act of buying a product in a supermarket demand a person to sum or
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiplicate
in order to complete the payment.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
is vital to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to develop a
critically
thinking. To illustrate this, in order to discuss a problem, the brain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake found.
analize
it in advance, and this
is taught
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
phylosophy
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should be optional and schools should promote personalized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Hence
, pupils could be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and boost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
depending on their individual abilities. As a consequence, they would be more likely to achieve a higher academic level.
For example
, if
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a child" or simply "children"?
a children
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
is biology, he could
be taught
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in more detail with a personalized plan that boost his knowledge and
thus
become expert in this field. Despite this attractive benefit of leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
apart, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such as math and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
those others.
For instance
, in the cycle of
Possible spelling mistake found.
krebs
in biology, is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know how to
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiplicate
the number of molecules in order to understand the process.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
individualized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can enhance the level of education of a student, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as math and
Possible spelling mistake found.
phylosophy
are paramount for making a proper living.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children find some subjects as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult to learn so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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