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Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. v. 2
Presently, most of the people are showing interest to choose their children's subject in Maths and Philosophy. Besides, certain children were not capable of learning this subject very fast. So, those people suggest that these subjects should not be considered as mandatory. In this essay, I disagree with this viewpoint and suggest my opinion. Interestingly, the public is suggested their children's to study in Maths and Philosophy because of their usage in an everyday life. If a person had to achieve success, then they had to impress the other person by showing their talents. Indeed, these topics help them to impress the other person easily, whereas they also try to represent their extra-ordinary skills. A research stated that 75% of the graduates, who had graduated in the topics like differentiation, had got placed in the various multi-national organizations. On the other hand, the students may find it difficult in dealing with these topics, but they can be utilized in improving the memory. Even though the student had a plenty of knowledge in the survival skills, it was mandatory for them to calculate the pulse of the patient. For instance, it is compulsory to maintain time, while meeting a person, but they can manage their schedule by doing the perfect calculations. In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the parent's were willing to force their children in Mathematics and Philosophy because they will help them in the future. However, to become a successful person in the society, they had to be good at managing time and in understanding the society. I believe that subjects like Mathematics and Philosophy always try to represent the knowledge of a person and the government authorities should not consider these subjects as optional.
Presently
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are showing interest to choose their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
.
Besides
, certain children were not capable of learning this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should not
be considered
as mandatory. In this essay, I disagree with this viewpoint and suggest my opinion.

Interestingly
, the public
is suggested
their children's to study in
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their usage in an everyday life. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
had to achieve success, then they had to impress the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
by showing their talents.
Indeed
, these topics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to impress the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
easily
, whereas they
also
try to represent their extra-ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
stated that 75% of the graduates, who had graduated in the topics like differentiation, had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
placed in the various multi-national organizations.

On the other hand
, the students may find it difficult in dealing with these topics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
be utilized
in improving the memory.
Even though
the student had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of knowledge in the survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it was mandatory for them to calculate the pulse of the patient.
For instance
, it is compulsory to maintain time, while meeting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can manage their schedule by doing the perfect calculations.

In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the parent's were willing to force their children in Mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future.
However
, to become a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the society, they had to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at managing time and in understanding the society. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
always try to represent the knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should not consider these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as optional.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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