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Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. v. 1
Nowadays, the math is taught to be able to think critically and rationally in some scientific fields or daily life, while the science of philosopy is existed to assimilate and comprehend the essence of social relationships and organisation. Some argue that it ought to be obligatory to be aware profoundly of both of science, whilst the others claim that it should be optional to choose the philosophy in terms of inquisitiveness which children display in the curricula. I support the concept of those who think that the children should opt based on whether they want that the philosopy is taught or not. To begin with, the math skills are so crucial which everyone need to meet this requirement. For instance, while any person is applying for vacancy, that person is needed to have enough math knowledge, as it is compulsory in terms of being able to think analytically in order to be in charge of business productively. That is why to teach the numeracy to children from their early ages plays a essential role in the developing the children's mindset efficiently. So that the teachers should try to do their utmost in order to teach certain formulations of proofs and some concepts in the schools. In this way, initiatively the children can move up the knowledge path by immersing in the math from schools to universities or colleges due to curricula related to mathematics. Turning to the philosopy, the children can find so teduous to learn it, as this science mainly give the information associated with the underlying meanings of universe. However the very young people, in particular little ones may be reluctant to possess these knowledge because of being immature still and it can arise exceedingly challenging to them to analyse the truth behind the complexeties of human relationships in schools. This science can be learned by those who are willing to seek for every angle of this field and enjoy being absorb in each pattern of philosophy. Moreover, there is not any need to make the cheildren to learn this science as it can also be taughtin high schools such as universities or colleges. To conclude, I believe that if this choice of philosophy be optional, the process of comprehending the curricula may be more effective compared to which is forced to learn that science. However, it should be considired mandotory to have math skills from earlier ages.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
is taught
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
and
rationally
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific fields or daily life, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
philosopy
is existed
to assimilate and comprehend the essence of social relationships and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that it ought to be obligatory to be aware
profoundly
of both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, whilst the others claim that it should be optional to choose the philosophy in terms of inquisitiveness which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
display in the curricula. I support the concept of those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should opt based on whether they want that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
philosopy
is taught
or not.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial which everyone need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this requirement.
For instance
, while any person is applying for vacancy, that person
is needed
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
knowledge, as it is compulsory in terms of being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
analytically
in order to be in charge of business
productively
.
That is
why to teach the numeracy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from their early ages plays
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential role in the developing the children's mindset
efficiently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that the teachers should try to do their utmost in order to teach certain formulations of proofs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concepts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In this way,
Possible spelling mistake found.
initiatively
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the knowledge path by immersing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to universities or colleges due to curricula related to mathematics.

Turning to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
philosopy
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
teduous
to learn it, as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
mainly
give the information associated with the underlying meanings of universe.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in particular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones may be reluctant to possess
Did you mean "this knowledge" or "these knowledges"?
these knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being immature
still
and it can arise
exceedingly
challenging to them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the truth behind the
Possible spelling mistake found.
complexeties
of human relationships in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
can
be learned
by those who are willing to seek for every angle of this field and enjoy being absorb in each pattern of philosophy.
Moreover
, there is not any need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cheildren
to learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as it can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake found.
taughtin
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
such as universities or colleges.

To conclude
, I believe that if this choice of philosophy be optional, the process of comprehending the curricula may be more effective compared to which
is forced
to learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
However
, it should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
considired
Possible spelling mistake found.
mandotory
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from earlier ages.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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