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Describe a brand of mobile phone common in your country. You should say: What brand it is. Where it is made. Why it is so popular. What special features it has. v.1

Describe a brand of mobile phone common in your country. You should say: What brand it is. Where it is made. Why it is so popular. What special features it has. v. 1
Home based employment is gradually rising as several individuals are able to perform their office duties from their own residence. This essay will first, discuss the minimization of travel stress and time as well as reducing the company's travel related payment paid to employees as the advantages and further, outing complete isolation and no monitoring of employees as the disadvantages. One of the principle advantages of working from home is that employees will neither have to waste their time nor suffer any pressure in covering long distances from home to office and back. This is to say, employees can carry out all their office tasks and duties at the convenience of their home, without wasting hours on the road to reach office. As a result, people can perform their tasks with more efficiency and productivity. To elucidate, a recent survey by The Times in March 2019 showed that more than 80 percent people choose home based jobs so that they can avoid wasting their time in travelling to office. The main disadvantage of carrying out office work at home is that employees have a feeling of loneliness and boring environment. In other words, people feel depressed when working from home as there is no social interaction with other teammates and bosses. Unlike, when performing their duties at the office premise where they get the opportunity to interact and communicate with other employees and thus creates a friendly and warm environment. As a consequence, individuals suffer from mental health and emotional problems. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times on May 2017 showed that more than 60 percent of people who are working from home suffer from some form of depressions and are prescribed antidepressant by the doctor. To conclude, the merit of home based employment is that it eliminated the travelling time and anxiety. The demerit, however, is the complete separation and seclusion of people with other members in the office.
Home based employment is
gradually
rising as several individuals are able to perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
duties from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
residence. This essay will
first
, discuss the minimization of travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's travel related payment paid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as the advantages and
further
, outing complete isolation and no monitoring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as the disadvantages.

One of the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantages of working from home is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
nor suffer any pressure in covering long distances from home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
and back. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can carry out all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
tasks and duties at the convenience of their home, without wasting hours on the road to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can perform their tasks with more efficiency and productivity. To elucidate, a recent survey by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
in March 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose home based jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can avoid wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in travelling to office.

The main disadvantage of carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
work at home is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have a feeling of loneliness and boring environment. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel depressed when working from home as there is no social interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teammates and bosses. Unlike, when performing their duties at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
premise where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to interact and communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
thus
creates a friendly and warm environment. As a consequence, individuals suffer from mental health and emotional problems. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
on May 2017
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working from home suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of depressions and
are prescribed
antidepressant by the doctor.

To conclude
, the merit of home based employment is that it eliminated the travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and anxiety. The demerit,
however
, is the complete separation and seclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Describe a brand of mobile phone common in your country. You should say: What brand it is. Where it is made. Why it is so popular. What special features it has. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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