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Some students attend classes regularly. Others prefer studying by themselves to going to classes. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some students attend classes regularly. Others prefer studying by themselves to going to classes. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
Over the years, human mobility has increased in several ways. In my view, globalization has improved air, sea and land transportation in many aspects. As a result, people can achieve their need full activities of their choice without logistics incapabilities as their hesitation. Firstly, the global economy encouraged countries to sign trade agreements in which their air travelling and shipping extended to its nobility. In the meantime, "world bank loans" on the road network and train transport development has accelerated travel. For an instance in Sri Lanka, China and Japan has funded many highways and bridges which made the logistics much more convenient for an affordable price. Furthermore, cars and other dual purpose vehicles were flown in for a reasonable price and leasing facilities helped every walks of people to own their vehicle. To sum up, transportation is a major aspect of human development which has encouraged authorities or other investors on its overseen incentives. Secondly, among all trading and medical expectations has been fulfilled. Moreover the cost of a journey has reduced in common by the way the travel safety has increased. For example, people from rural village bring their cultivation in to the city to sell, in which we depended during the crisis. As well as, the town's like to holiday in rural areas. The access to the city hospitals for treatment would have been a nightmare without proper travel medium, indeed. Furthermore, financial incentives and social integration have increased citizens living standards. In short, there are direct and indirect benefits for humans in the development of logistics, because the affordable travel time, cost and comfort. In conclusion humans have been able to achieve their day to day activities or future perspectives in a cost effective manner. But the environmental pollution has increased dramatically due to the lack of public transport and road "congestion, which" indeed, is eager for solutions
Over the years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
mobility has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in several ways. In my view, globalization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
air, sea and land transportation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can achieve their need full activities of their choice without logistics
Possible spelling mistake found.
incapabilities
as their hesitation.

Firstly
, the global economy encouraged countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
trade agreements in which their air travelling and shipping extended to its nobility. In the meantime,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
loans
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
on the road network and train transport development has accelerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. For an instance in Sri Lanka, China and Japan has funded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
highways and bridges which made the logistics much more convenient for an affordable price.
Furthermore
, cars and other
'dual purpose' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "dual-purpose".
dual purpose
vehicles
were flown
in for a reasonable price and leasing facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "walk"?
walks
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their vehicle. To sum up, transportation is a major aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
development which has encouraged authorities or other investors on its overseen incentives.

Secondly
, among all trading and medical expectations has
been fulfilled
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the cost of a journey has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in common by
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the way the'. Did you mean "way the"?
the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
safety has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from rural village bring their cultivation in to the city to sell, in which we
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depended on".
depended
during the crisis.
As well
as, the town's like to holiday in rural areas. The access to the city hospitals for treatment would have been a nightmare without proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
medium,
indeed
.
Furthermore
, financial incentives and social integration have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
citizens living standards. In short, there are direct and indirect benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in the development of logistics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
time, cost and comfort.

In conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have been able to achieve their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities or future perspectives in a cost effective manner.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the environmental pollution has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
dramatically
due to the lack of public transport and road
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
congestion, which
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
indeed
, is eager for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
solutions
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some students attend classes regularly. Others prefer studying by themselves to going to classes. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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