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Some people feel women are not good candidates for military service. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some people feel women are not good candidates for military service. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
No doubt, nowadays the increase of transfer has developed in urban areas. A plethora of masses move to big cities due to the some reasons such as, facilities, job opportunities and so forth. Yet the non- rural localities face numerous hassles pertaining enhancement people in urban areas. I will elaborate causes and the impact of flight in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion. Ironically enough, with regards to development in huge city folks are moving there owing to unemployment is a big reason to proceed, in inner cities, Apart from it, rural areas are slow growth of improvement in education as well as, these places are mostly touch in remote areas, along with, devoid of fundamental infrastructure also main cause of relocation. Beside this, lack of electricity supply as well as people does not obtain better facilities in rural areas, namely, medical, education, job, sports, transportation, so on. Hence, there are multiple reasons behind the progress in urban sides. However, despite having some better facilities in big cities, massive of masses face various obstacles such as overpopulation, nevertheless, with overpopulation, people do not comfortable in huge areas because ample of individuals suffering from different disease, it puts down worse influence on their health. Moving further, exodus also lay inferior effect on atmosphere, additionally, the pollution also inclined in the environment. Therefore, movement in huge areas also surge the rates of accommodation. Thus, it can be inferred that, unemployment is a main reason of a journey into urban areas, through this person face numerous difficulties.
No doubt, nowadays the increase of transfer has developed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. A plethora of masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
due to the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
such as, facilities, job opportunities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Yet
the non- rural localities face numerous hassles pertaining enhancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I will elaborate causes and the impact of flight in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion.

Ironically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
development in huge city folks are moving there owing to unemployment is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to proceed, in inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, Apart from it, rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are slow growth of improvement in education
as well
as, these places are
mostly
Consider using a past participle here: "touched".
touch
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, along with, devoid of fundamental infrastructure
also
main cause of relocation. Beside this, lack of electricity supply
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not obtain better facilities in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
namely
, medical, education, job, sports, transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Hence
, there are multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind the progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
sides.

However
, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
better facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, massive of masses face various obstacles such as overpopulation,
nevertheless
, with overpopulation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not comfortable in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ample of individuals suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
disease, it puts down worse influence on their health. Moving
further
, exodus
also
lay inferior effect on atmosphere,
additionally
, the pollution
also
inclined in the environment.
Therefore
, movement in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
also
surge the rates of accommodation.

Thus
, it can
be inferred
that, unemployment is a main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of a journey into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, through this person face numerous difficulties.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people feel women are not good candidates for military service. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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