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Describe one memorable photograph or painting. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

Describe one memorable photograph or painting. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
Who should enforce discipline in young people? This debate has been on the increase in educational institutions. While some people think that this is part of the teacher's job description, others, myself included, are of the opinion that solely lies with the parents. This essay will discuss these two views. One reason some individuals believe that the mandate of instilling discipline in students lies with their instructors at the institute is because most children automatically revered their institute instructors. Most children spend quite a high percentage of their day in school and inevitably, they start to look up to their teachers, seeing them as models. The instructors are, therefore, in a vantage position to make positive changes in their lives. For example, a questionnaire filled by school pupils showed that they listen and carry out activities better when the instructor is their teacher than parents. However, other people, myself included, think that the responsibility of instilling good manners in youngsters lies with their parents because of the family structure. The family is the smallest unit of the society and the first point of contact with the child and the guardians can take advantage of this to instil these morals at a very young age. Moreover, the family is permanent, that is, it is constant; however, teachers change every season or yearly. Hence, it will be confusing for a child whose teacher is his/her sole discipline instructor but this person changes seasonally. For instance, In conclusion, some persons believe that the school should instill good morals in youngsters while others, including myself, think this responsibility lies with the parents. This essay analysed these two views.
Who should enforce discipline in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
? This debate has been on the increase in educational institutions. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is part of the teacher's job description, others, myself included, are of the opinion that
solely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lies
with the parents. This essay will discuss these two views.

One reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the mandate of instilling discipline in students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lies
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructors
at the institute is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most children
automatically
revered their institute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructors
. Most children spend quite a high percentage of their day in school and
inevitably
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to look up to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, seeing them as models. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructors
are,
therefore
, in a vantage position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, a questionnaire filled by school pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that they listen and carry out activities better when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructor
is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
than parents.

However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, myself included,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the responsibility of instilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners in youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lies
with their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the family structure. The family is the smallest unit of the society and the
first
point of contact with the child and the guardians can take advantage of this to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
these morals at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
Moreover
, the family is permanent,
that is
, it is constant;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
every season or yearly.
Hence
, it will be confusing for a child whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is his/her sole discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
seasonally
.
For instance
,

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons believe that the school should instill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morals in youngsters while others, including myself,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this responsibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lies
with the parents. This essay
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
these two views.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Describe one memorable photograph or painting. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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