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Some schools agree that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that schools benefit from it. v.2

Some schools agree that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that schools benefit from it. v. 2
With the tremendous growth of fast-food cafes and malls, there has also been a trend to include the schools in the promotion of their products. Some opine that the schools enjoy the profit from them while others argue that the schools should be kept free from them. I, however, believe that there are probably equal pros and cons. On the one hand, the economic standards of the schools will be uplifted by their collaboration with restaurants and supermarkets. This is because of these companies, in exchange for their promotional activities, offer commissions to the school administration which can be utilised in improving the infrastructures, providing scholarships to the needy ones, subsidising the tuition fees etc. consequently, the students will be in advantage. On the other hand, there might be serious negative consequences. Firstly, the precious time of students which is to be utilised in mastering the academic subjects will be taken up by the corporate advertisements. Secondly, the school administration can rarely ensure that the products of these companies are beneficial for the kids and finally, these kinds of activities might lure the young brains in buying extravagant items and put pressure on the parents to buy them. For example, once in my brother’s school, a company came to promote encyclopedia worth $800 which compelled my parents to spend that high amount although we already had one. In conclusion, allowing commercial promotions in the schools can benefit them financially as well as impose negative impacts on pupils. Thus, the school authority ought to make careful decisions on allowing them.
With the tremendous growth of
fast
-food
cafes
and malls, there has
also
been a trend to include the
schools
in the promotion of their products.
Some
opine that the
schools
enjoy the profit from them while others argue that the
schools
should be
kept
free from them. I,
however
, believe that there are
probably
equal pros and cons.

On the one hand, the economic standards of the
schools
will
be uplifted
by their collaboration with restaurants and supermarkets. This is
because
of these
companies
, in exchange for their promotional activities, offer commissions to the
school
administration which can be
utilised
in improving the infrastructures, providing scholarships to the needy ones,
subsidising
the tuition fees etc.
consequently
, the students will be in advantage.

On the other hand
, there might be serious
negative
consequences.
Firstly
, the precious time of students which is to be
utilised
in mastering the academic subjects will
be taken
up by the corporate advertisements.
Secondly
, the
school
administration can rarely ensure that the products of these
companies
are beneficial for the kids and
finally
, these kinds of activities might lure the young brains in buying extravagant items and put pressure on the parents to
buy
them.
For example
, once in my brother’s
school
, a
company
came to promote encyclopedia worth $800 which compelled my parents to spend that high amount although we already had one.

In conclusion
, allowing commercial promotions in the
schools
can benefit them
financially
as well
as impose
negative
impacts on pupils.
Thus
, the
school
authority ought to
make
careful decisions on allowing them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some schools agree that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that schools benefit from it. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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