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Some schools agree that fast food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that school benefit from it Is it a positive or a negative development v.1

Some schools agree that fast food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that school benefit from it Is it a positive or a negative development v. 1
In the contemporary world, Juveniles these days tend to watch television significantly. Some people believe that books as a learning tool for children are most important compared to television. Whereas, some opponents argue that television has a positive impact on children through watching educational TV programs. I strongly agree that books are the greatest source of information, although youngsters are apt to watch television more often than before. First and foremost, we need to contemplate that television is involved violent, crime, an inappropriate tv program which can be extremely negative effects on children who are still inexperienced and immature. They are exposed by these factors easily which means they may become a criminal or learn non-educational information. Moreover, although they watch educational TV shows, they can be affected a health problem such as eyesight. As a result, television has a huge negative impact on youngsters. Besides that, books are still the essential parts of our future generation. Television has limited information and sometimes it can be given an erroneous point of views to children. Therefore, books help children who develop reading ability, critical thinking, academical knowledge. Furthermore, since books consist of paintings, drawing, and images that can give attention to children to read more books. Thus, we cannot ignore that books are the best source of information which can aim youngsters to create thoughts, images, and even reading skills. In conclusion, television has involved a great deal of violence, crime, irrelevant TV programs. This is the reason why these factors give appealing to children and read books less amount of time. However, I believe that books are still an indispensable source for future generation that means books are not replaced by television.
In the contemporary world, Juveniles these days tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as a learning tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through watching educational TV programs. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the greatest source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, although youngsters are apt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

First
and foremost, we need to contemplate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is involved
violent, crime, an inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
program which can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
still
inexperienced and immature. They
are exposed
by these factors
easily
which means they may become a criminal or learn non-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Moreover
, although they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
educational TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a health problem such as eyesight.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youngsters.

Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
still
the essential parts of our future generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an erroneous point of views to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who develop reading ability, critical thinking, academical knowledge.
Furthermore
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
consist of paintings, drawing, and images that can give attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to read more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Thus
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the best source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which can aim youngsters to create thoughts, images, and even reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has involved a great deal of violence, crime, irrelevant TV programs. This is the reason why these factors give appealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
less amount of time.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
still
an indispensable source for future generation that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are not replaced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some schools agree that fast food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that school benefit from it Is it a positive or a negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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