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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v.39

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 39
A visible change of any living organism is getting older. Child, youth, adult and elder are some of the stages in our life. Child and elderly stages are dependent stages compared to other two stages. For both of these situations, a human being needs other’s support. While we were children, our parents were there for our supportive role. When the parents became older, definitely their children need to be the supportive role for their parents. This is the role we carry among human beings vice versa. If the parents live with their children only parents will feel safer, attached to family and sharing of love. Unfortunately, many of them attending to works, they do not have time to look after their children neither their parents. In this case, elders could be sending to some a common place where other elders are staying. But payment cannot be made by the government. Since it is the responsibility of their family, definitely family needs to pay for caring of their parents. They may not have enough time to take care of their parents. Since the government has employed special people for that, at least those elders’ parents need to be paid by their family. For an example, many of the parents were private sector employees and they did not have a monthly pension scheme. But they have only Employee provident fund and employee trust funds. It has been used by the children of the parents in plantation sector of Sri Lanka. Finally, children will neither look after their parents nor elderly parents do not have own money in hand. That is, all advantages utilised from elders. When they become a stage of the dependent, families are trying to escape from their responsibilities. This is a kind of selfish. Paid by the government should be stopped and families should be paid for them. Especially the children are responsible for looking after the parents; they should definitely pay for the parents and not the government.
A visible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of any living organism is getting older. Child, youth, adult and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
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stages
in our life. Child and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
are dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
compared to other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
. For both of these situations, a human being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
other’s support.

While we were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were there for our supportive role. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
became older, definitely their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be the supportive role for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is the role we carry among human beings vice versa. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will feel safer, attached to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and sharing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them attending to works, they do not have time to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
neither their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
could be sending to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
a common place where other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
are staying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
payment cannot
be made
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Since it is the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to pay for caring of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has employed special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for that, at least those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be paid
by their family.

For an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were private sector
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employees and
they did not have a monthly pension scheme.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Employee provident fund and employee trust funds. It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in plantation sector of Sri Lanka.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will neither look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nor elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money in hand.
That is
, all advantages
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
. When they become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of the dependent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are trying to escape from their responsibilities. This is a kind of selfish. Paid by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should
be paid
for them.

Especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are responsible for looking after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
; they should definitely pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 39

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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