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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v.41

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 41
The concept of old homes is very prevalent in modern societies. However, this trend has dramatically increased in some developing and developed countries over the last few years. Senior citizens prefer to live in those homes because of better interaction and care facilities. Some people argue that state is responsible for looking after their people and should spend money on their care. Others claim that expenses should be bear by family in response to hard work and effort for providing health, education and other amenities of life to their family members. I believe that it is a mutual duty of family and government to support them financially. Family plays a substantial role in providing comfort to their elders, therefore effort of senior citizens should be acknowledged as they have spent all their for the upbringing and taking care of children health, education and other necessities of life. During the old age of their parent, it is a primary obligation of the family members not to deprive them of their basics financial needs. On the other hand, senior citizens had served their entire life while serving in both public and private sector for the betterment of the country. They have deposited chucks of money in government funds in term of taxes throughout their services, this makes them eligible for the help of the government in the time of need. To sum up, I would like to say that government should take necessary measures for making comfort and ease in senior people lives. Their health-related issues should be urgently solved while not taking even a single penny from them. Moreover, the family is also responsible of their elders need and must put their maximum efforts to make them happy during their last days.
The concept of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
homes is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prevalent in modern societies.
However
, this trend has
dramatically
increased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
over the last few years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Senior
citizens prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of better interaction and care facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that state is responsible for looking after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and should spend money on their care. Others claim that expenses should be bear by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in response to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and effort for providing health, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
amenities of life to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. I believe that it is a mutual duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to support them
financially
.

Family plays a substantial role in providing comfort to their elders,
therefore
effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens should
be acknowledged
as they have spent all their for the upbringing and taking care of children health, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessities of life. During the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age of their parent, it is a primary obligation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members not to deprive them of their basics financial needs.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens had served their entire life while serving in both public and private sector for the betterment of the country. They have deposited chucks of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds in term of taxes throughout their services, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them eligible for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in the time of need.

To sum up, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take necessary measures for making comfort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
. Their health-related issues should be
urgently
solved while not taking even a single penny from them.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
their elders need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put their maximum efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy during their last days.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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