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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v.42

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 42
One of the most challenging and controversial questions of today’s society is that who should be responsible for old people’s care and expenses: either it should be the government or the family members. In my opinion, it should be a mutual responsibility of both the government and the family. To start with, parents plays the most important and strong part in a child’s life. They give them values, manners, love and care. They provide them support morally as well as financially. They try their best to give their child the ideal life they could imagine. So, when these parents get old and need help and support in almost every manner, then children should not run from their duties. They should take care of their parents as good as their parents did when they were young. On the other hand, all the families don’t have the same structures. Some might have problems such as financial or accommodation. Then at this point, I believe that the government should come forward and take steps to make senior citizen’s lives better. The people who are now old have paid the tax in their whole life and that’s why the government should take their financial responsibilities as well.   Old citizens should have equal rights on government funds as they have served and paid taxes which help the government to run the state. I strongly claim that government should have a fixed fund or deposit for individuals and as well as for old homes. In addition, I like the idea of the security deposit as for example, an old person can live with his family without being a burden on them. Finally, in my opinion, both the government and the family should possible responsibility to make senior citizens happy and give them a comfortable life.
One of the most challenging and controversial questions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society is that who should be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s care and expenses: either it should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. In my opinion, it should be a mutual responsibility of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the family.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
plays the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and strong part in a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They give them values, manners,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. They provide them support
morally
as well
as
financially
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
try their best to give their child the ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they could imagine.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support in almost every manner, then children should not run from their duties. They should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did when they were young.

On the other hand
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
don’t have the same structures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might have problems such as financial or accommodation. Then at this point, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
senior citizen’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
have paid the tax in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and that’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take their financial responsibilities
as well
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
citizens should have equal rights on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds as they have served and paid taxes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to run the state. I
strongly
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
fund or deposit for individuals and
as well
as for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
homes.

In addition
, I like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the security deposit as
for example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
without being a burden on them.
Finally
, in my opinion, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should possible responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
senior citizens happy and give them a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 42

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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