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Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages. v.3

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3
Students will be the future of next automation world in 21st century. A little number of students who had completed their higher secondary study may travel or do work for a proportion of time instead of directly going university. There are some merits and demerits for this situation that would addressed with examples in ensuing paragraph. Considering the advantages of school leavers, the foremost one is that knowledge. By which I mean that it is better to gain a small amount of information before admit to university so that it will help individuals to make bright career in right direction according to interest of each student. Other benefit is that the experience. This point state that school dropouts, who are really willing to work before going to college; by which they can learn the methodology that apply in real world and also get a maximum amount of practical knowledge which will help during studying in university. In addition, some students want to stress out due to long time of study so they can get relax by which they can reduce burden of education before admitting in higher education. On the other hand, there are some demerits of this situation. The prior one is that wrong direction of career; that means, sometimes, students who do not get proper guidance regarding choosing the right stream to make a better future. Ultimately, they do not learn proper knowledge about their interest. To recapitulate, it can be seen that if school leavers can get work or travel before admit into university, they can refresh their mind and get experience by doing work and then make a great career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will be the future of
next
automation world in 21st century. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who had completed their higher secondary study may travel or do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a proportion of time
instead
of
directly
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits and demerits for this situation that would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "address"
addressed
with examples in ensuing paragraph.

Considering the advantages of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
, the foremost one is that knowledge. By which I mean that it is better to gain a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
admit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bright career in right direction according to interest of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Other benefit is that the experience. This point state that school dropouts, who are
really
willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
going to college; by which they can learn the methodology that apply in real world and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a maximum amount of practical knowledge which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
during studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
out due to long time of study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relax by which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
burden of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
admitting in higher education.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of this situation. The prior one is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction of career; that means,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper guidance regarding choosing the right stream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better future.
Ultimately
, they do not learn proper knowledge about their interest.

To recapitulate, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that if
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
admit into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they can refresh their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great career.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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