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Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
In most countries, teenagers often travel or do a part-time or full-time job for a certain period of time before entering the university. The advantages to this are that they get work experience and proper saving for, paying their tuition fees and it also brings some disadvantages too. One of a positive side of taking a gap before continuing higher education is getting a valuable work experience by doing part-time or full-time employment. It is true that in many countries a candidate with no experience always struggles to get a good job after finishing tertiary education, whereas, a candidate who has a small experience before entering university often does not struggle to get a job in future. Another positive aspect is saving of some fund. This is because the higher education is so costly that most students do not continue their education, and with such savings not only do they continue their studies, but also do not have to depend on their parents or bank for a loan. There are many negative sides to this but one of them is losing interest to continue the studies. For example, in China, 65% of students who took a gap of 6 months or a year never came back for their further education due to an interest in earning money. Another downside is that getting involved in bad activities. It has seen in many western countries that few students who travel or work for a certain period seem to get involved in bad influences such as, drugs, shoplifting or robbery. In conclusion, even though travelling or doing the job for some period gives an opportunity to have work experience and a small saving, downsides to this is showing an interest for earning money rather than continuing study further.
In most countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
travel or do a part-time or full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a certain period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the university. The advantages to this are that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
for, paying their tuition fees and it
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too.

One of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of taking a gap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
continuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is getting a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
by doing part-time or full-time employment. It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries a candidate with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
always struggles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after finishing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, whereas, a candidate who has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
does not struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fund. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
costly that most students do not continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they continue their studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on their parents or bank for a loan.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of them is losing interest to continue the studies.
For example
, in China, 65% of students who took a gap of 6 months or a year never came back for their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to an interest in earning money. Another downside is that getting involved in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western countries that few students who travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a certain period seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences such as, drugs, shoplifting or robbery.

In conclusion
,
even though
travelling or doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period gives an opportunity to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
, downsides to this is showing an interest for earning money
rather
than continuing study
further
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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