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Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree? v.9

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 9
Any given society has a certain amount of homeless population, and it is thought by some to help them out by giving money. I completely agree with this argument as I believe that giving money helps them to afford for an accommodation and come out of abject poverty. Firstly, money is the only way for homeless people to get proper shelter. Being unaffordable to buy an house or to rent one is the main reason for people to live on streets, so donating some amount of money, either from what we have or the government has, enables them to save their earnings in a period of time and buy a new home. The billionaire Bill Gates, for instance, donated half his money to Europe’s homeless people, which later reduced the number of people living on roads significantly. Secondly, money may help them to come out of abject poverty. Most of the homeless people live under extreme poverty since they are stuck in a vicious circle of earning that is far less in proportion to their bare minimal expenses, so giving some amount of money may help them to come out of that circle. In the Netherlands, the government pays 50 dollars a month of every homeless individual for one year, during which they can try to earn and save some. Thus, the money given to the poor people residing in open pubic spaces may reduce the insult they receive from their intense poverty and start to save money. In conclusion, homeless people are present in every single society, and some believe in donating money as the best to way to help them. I, too, believe that donated money alone can take care off their expenses and makes them save their earnings to find an accommodation and escape poverty.
Any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
society has a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
population, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them out by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument as I believe that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to afford for an accommodation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of abject poverty.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper shelter. Being unaffordable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or to rent one is the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on streets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
donating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, either from what we have or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has, enables them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their earnings in a period of time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new home. The billionaire Bill Gates,
for instance
, donated half his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to Europe’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living on roads
significantly
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of abject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
since they
are stuck
in a vicious circle of earning
that is
far less in proportion to their bare minimal expenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of that circle. In the Netherlands, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pays 50 dollars a month of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
individual for one year, during which they can try to earn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in open
Did you mean "public"?
pubic
spaces may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the insult they receive from their intense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
money.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are present in every single society, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe in donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the best to way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them. I, too, believe that donated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone can take care off their expenses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their earnings to find an accommodation and escape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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