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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: A university education should be provided for free of charge to all interested scholars. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v.1

: A university education should be provided for free of charge to all interested scholars. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 1
It is generally accepted that education is an important factor in a young adult development. Nevertheless more and more adolescents wish to continue their education after they graduate high school. Even though it is true that education should be accessible to all interested people, I do not agree that education should be free of charge to all interested candidates. First, if a person pays for his or her own education make him or her more responsible. Taking control of the education expense means that one is grown up enough to organize his or her budget and organize the life in such way to be able to attend a school and in the same time to support himself. For example, when I finished Highschool I was admitted to an important University in my country, but I had to pay for the first year tuition. I was fully aware of the fact that I cannot afford to enter in school at that time because I didn’t have the necessary founds to support myself. I decided that would be better for me to work for one year and save money for my tuition. My parents were very proud of me that I was responsible enough to make that decision. In addition to that, I think that having a student loan or paying for the education represents a motivational factor for the student to graduate. For example, statistics shows that college drop off rate for the students that pay for their education by themselves is lower than for the students who doesn’t have to pay for various reasons, such as free scholarship or the tuition is paid by somebody else. The students who pay for their own education are less probably to abandon the school at one moment because they don’t want to waste their money. Third, the students should be highly determined to pursue an education in order to succeed in chosen career path. Let’s assume that everybody will have access to a free education. This means that all people will want to continue school no matter what, because is much easier to attend free school then finding a job for example or fighting to obtain what you want. If the person is motivated enough will do whatever it takes in order to follow his or her dream and graduate desired school no matter how much the tuition will cost. I recall the movie “Pursue of happiness” where the main character was so poor that he had to sleep in the metro stations, but his dream was to become a good broker. The cost of training as broker was huge but he sacrificed his own comfort and fought to be able to pay for the tuition. At the end his efforts were recognized and praised. By way of conclusion, based on arguments explored above, I am of the opinion on that in fact it would be more beneficial for the students if they have to pay for their own education.
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in a young adult development.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
more and more adolescents wish to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
after they graduate high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Even though
it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be accessible to all interested
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of charge to all interested candidates.

First
, if a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him or her more responsible. Taking control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
expense means that one
is grown
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
budget and organize the life in such way to be able to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and in the same time to support himself.
For example
, when I finished
Possible spelling mistake found.
Highschool
I
was admitted
to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
University in my country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the
first
year tuition. I was
fully
aware of the fact that I cannot afford to enter in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I didn’t have the necessary founds to support myself. I decided that would be better for me to work for one year and save money for my tuition. My parents were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud of me that I was responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that decision.

In addition
to that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
loan or paying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
represents a motivational factor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to graduate.
For example
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that college drop off rate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by themselves is lower than for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
doesn
’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for various reasons, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
scholarship or the tuition
is paid
by somebody else. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are less
probably
to abandon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at one moment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t want to waste their money.

Third, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
highly
determined to pursue an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in order to succeed in chosen career path.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s assume that everybody will have access to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This means that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will want to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
no matter what,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is much easier to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
then finding a job
for example
or fighting to obtain what you want. If the person
is motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
will do whatever it takes in order to follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
dream and graduate desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
no matter how much the tuition will cost. I recall the movie “Pursue of happiness” where the main character was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
poor that he had to sleep in the metro stations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his dream was to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
broker. The cost of training as broker was huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he sacrificed his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
comfort and fought to be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the tuition. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
his efforts
were recognized
and praised.

By way of conclusion, based on arguments explored above, I am of the opinion on that in fact it would be more beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay : A university education should be provided for free of charge to all interested scholars. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
497 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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