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Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. what are the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. what are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
It is important to complete education in this educational era. In recent days, some learners choose to travel or task for a particular date after school instead of applied directly to the university. This trend has had its own merits and demerits. Both the aspects are discussed further. Discussing the benefits, the foremost is they can get the experience of production or navigation. In this way, they can be independent and learn to manage their time and money. The experience which they get is very precious and they can use it after university exam to get a job. Similarly, the student who knows the management of money and time can be the best junior because in the study time both matter very much. In addition to that, traveller who explored the world and know all the things about the cultures, traditions and the methods of their managing all the things can help him or her to get deeper knowledge about the subjects which helps him or her in a course as well as after. Explaining the drawbacks, the most effective is the important time wasting. The time which used in work or travel is very crucial because of the age of the student. In this age they can learn things very rapidly, so they can investigate very well. Moreover, in the excursion or struggle if the student gets a company of the wrong person, this can spoil the whole life of him or her. The third one is, when students completed school study, they are in the flow of education and go to the work or tour can break this flow and after coming from it they cannot concentrate on the debate. To conclude, there are several pros such as job experience and to learn managing skills. However to do such a thing can affect the exercise in the negative way and also in the children's concentration or their life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to complete education in this educational era. In recent days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
learners choose to travel or task for a particular date after school
instead
of applied
directly
to the university. This trend has had its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits. Both the aspects
are discussed
further
.

Discussing the benefits, the foremost is they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the experience of production or navigation. In this way, they can be independent and learn to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money. The experience which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
precious and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it after university exam to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who knows the management of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be the best junior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
both matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.
In addition
to that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
who explored the world and know all the things about the cultures, traditions and the methods of their managing all the things can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him or her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deeper knowledge about the subjects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him or her in a course
as well
as after.

Explaining the drawbacks, the most effective is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time wasting
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in work or travel is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the age of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In this age they can learn things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can investigate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
Moreover
, in the excursion or struggle if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
person, this can spoil the whole life of him or her. The third one is, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
completed school study, they are in the flow of education and go to the work or tour can break this flow and after coming from
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they cannot concentrate on the debate.

To conclude
, there are several pros such as job experience and to learn managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
to do such a thing can affect the exercise in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way and
also
in the children's concentration or their life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. what are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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