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More and more students choose to move to other countries to study their higher education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

More and more students choose to move to other countries to study their higher education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, there is a contentious issue regarding whether students should complete their higher studies abroad and away from their home countries. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks. There are considerable benefits to refine students’ personality. Hence, I think that living abroad allows students to interact with different cultures and learn the way to deal with numerous situations. To illustrate, my siblings have chosen to study in Germany and I can feel that their way of thinking improved compared to school time. In addition, they can learn how to be independent from their families. They would be able to organize and take care of their personal needs that parents used to take care of while they were younger. However, there are potential drawbacks to students moving to live away from their parents. The main issue is that there is a probability to make friendships that might have adverse effects on their studies. Furthermore, parents won’t be able to track their children’s progress at college and can cause problems in the future especially if they are paying for their college fees. In conclusion, the merits to students to move study abroad outweigh the drawbacks as it can benefit to develop the student’s personality which parents had a huge impact while they were in school. This will assist the students to be in a better position after going into the industrial life. However, parents might face difficulty to track their children’s progress and the type of friends they will have at college. Given the situation it seems that students should complete their higher studies abroad.
Nowadays, there is a contentious issue regarding whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should complete their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
and away from their home countries. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks.

There are considerable benefits to refine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personality.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and learn the way to deal with numerous situations. To illustrate, my siblings have chosen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in Germany and I can feel that their way of thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
compared to school time.
In addition
, they can learn how to be
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their families. They would be able to organize and take care of their personal needs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take care of while they were younger.

However
, there are potential drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The main issue is that there is a probability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendships that might have adverse effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
won’t be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their children’s progress at college and can cause problems in the future
especially
if they are paying for their college fees.

In conclusion
, the merits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
outweigh the drawbacks as it can benefit to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
personality which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had a huge impact while they were in school. This will assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be in a better position after going into the industrial life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might face difficulty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their children’s progress and the type of friends they will have at college.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the situation it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should complete their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more students choose to move to other countries to study their higher education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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