Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some school leavers tend to go travelling or work for a period of time before going to university directly. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages v.1

Some school leavers tend to go travelling or work for a period of time before going to university directly. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1
There are more and more parents who would like to teach their children at home rather than letting them learn at schools in some states. I think these parents' views are unreasonable and its disadvantages outweigh the advantages, because firstly, schools have more professional learning resources than home and secondly, pupils obtain the unique group experiences at the schools. The education departments and agencies control the largest amount of education resources than single family. Kindergartens, schools and collages own a lot of teaching materials, instructing aids, professional teachers and considerate libraries for students. Meanwhile, the governments invest a large amount of money to each school in order to continue improving teaching and learning efficiency of them. Kids will be difficult to access these benefits if parents do not send them to school. For example, in Shanghai, each primary school is funded by the local authority nearly one million pounds to develop their teachers' group and teaching devices, which is impossible to be achieved in any pupil's home. In addition, students can acquire the experiences of collective lives. Some people might argue that teaching children at home which is the one-to-one model. This will be more effective for learners to get a better grade in the exams. However, examination is not the only goal of the education. Understanding how to cooperate with others and communication skills in the same age groups are also essential for each child. For instance, except for lessons, there are many activities and workshops organised in schools. Pupils could understand a lot of rules to cooperate with others and the communication strategies to make others feeling comfortable. These experiences can only be acquired at schools. In conclusion, I believe its disadvantages overweigh the benefits that teaching children at home rather than sending them to school, because children cannot access many professional instructing resources and get collective experiences.
There are more and more parents who would like to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home
rather
than letting them learn at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these parents' views are unreasonable and its disadvantages outweigh the advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have more professional learning resources than home and
secondly
, pupils obtain the unique group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
at the schools.

The education departments and agencies control the largest amount of education resources than single family. Kindergartens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and collages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
materials, instructing aids, professional teachers and considerate libraries for students. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
invest a large amount of money to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to continue improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and learning efficiency of them. Kids will be difficult to access these benefits if parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
, in Shanghai, each primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is funded
by the local authority
nearly
one million pounds to develop their teachers' group and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
devices, which is impossible to
be achieved
in any pupil's home.

In addition
, students can acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of collective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home which is the one-to-one model. This will be more effective for learners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better grade in the exams.
However
, examination is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal of the education. Understanding how to cooperate with others and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the same age groups are
also
essential for each child.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
lessons, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities and workshops
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Pupils could understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to cooperate with others and the communication strategies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
others feeling comfortable. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be acquired
at schools.

In conclusion
, I believe its disadvantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home
rather
than sending them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professional instructing resources and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
collective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some school leavers tend to go travelling or work for a period of time before going to university directly. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts