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Some school children have less natural ability to learn other languages. Therefore, it is not right to force these school children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some school children have less natural ability to learn other languages. Therefore, it is not right to force these school children to learn a foreign language. v. 1
There has been a hot debate over whether students should be forced into learning a foreign language. Some people are of the opinion that it is unethical to forcefully teach students to pick up another language on top of their mother tongue, while others feel that it should be made compulsory in the curriculum. In my opinion, I disagree that children should not learn foreign languages as I feel that it is imperative for juveniles to be bilingual or multilingual, to stay competitive in the current society. There are several reasons why children should be exposed to a foreign language from a young age. The most compelling reason is that, being able to communicate in multiple languages will promote racial harmony. To be able to communicate in multiple languages will promote interactions with people from different countries and various cultural backgrounds which in turn minimizes any mis-communication. A second reason for my position is based on an example of my cousin, who have lived in Germany since the tender age of seven years old. It was a struggle for her to adapt during the initial months when she first started school in Germany. However, in merely three months, she has learnt to converse fluently with her teachers and peers in German. As a result of this exposure, she has learnt to communicate in three different languages, English, Mandarin and German. A final reason in support of my viewpoint is that I strongly believe that being bilingual or multilingual will provide students with more job opportunities when they enter the workforce. I am from Singapore and I have been bilingual since preschool. By the age of seventeen, I have mastered a third language, Japanese. Consequently, upon graduation, I was offered several positions in multinational companies because of my fluency in speaking three languages. . To conclude, it is my firm belief that foreign language should be introduced to adolescents at a young age as it is proven to have many benefits and will prepare them for their future.
There has been a hot debate over whether students should
be forced
into learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that it is unethical to
forcefully
teach students to pick up another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
on top of their mother tongue, while others feel that it should
be made
compulsory in the curriculum. In my opinion, I disagree that children should not learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as I feel that it is imperative for juveniles to be bilingual or multilingual, to stay competitive in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why children should
be exposed
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The most compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, being able to communicate in multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will promote racial harmony. To be able to communicate in multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will promote interactions with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and various cultural backgrounds which in turn minimizes any
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis-communication
.

A second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my position
is based
on an example of my cousin, who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Germany since the tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It was a struggle for her to adapt during the initial months when she
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
school in Germany.
However
, in
merely
three months, she has
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to converse
fluently
with her teachers and peers in German.
As a result
of this exposure, she has
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to communicate in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, English, Mandarin and German.

A final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
in support of my viewpoint is that I
strongly
believe that being bilingual or multilingual will provide students with more job opportunities when they enter the workforce. I am from Singapore and I have been bilingual since preschool. By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seventeen, I have mastered a third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, Japanese.
Consequently
, upon graduation, I
was offered
several positions in multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my fluency in speaking three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To conclude
, it is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be introduced
to adolescents at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as it
is proven
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and will prepare them for their future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some school children have less natural ability to learn other languages. Therefore, it is not right to force these school children to learn a foreign language. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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