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In some educational systems, children are required to study one or more foreign languages. In others, foreign language study is not a requirement. What are the potential benefits of foreign language study? Do you think foreign language study is an important part of education? v.1

In some educational systems, children are required to study one or more foreign languages. In others, foreign language study is not a requirement. What are the potential benefits of foreign language study? Do you think foreign language study is an important part of education? v. 1
Learning a second language is compulsory in some places. While, it is volunteer in other places. I think foreign language plays a vital part of schooling because it has some advantages. Firstly, I think studying a foreign language is a true decision for people who want to broaden their job opportunities. At present, there are a lot of foreign companies in Vietnam so knowing the second language is really necessary, especially for young people if they want a good salary. Foreign languages are mandatory in some companies, especially with manager positions. Secondly, our knowledge will be increasing thanks to foreign languages. We also will be more confident in communicating with foreign people as well can study abroad without difficulties about the different languages. When we want to research cultures about your favourite country, I believe that learn the language which this country is using will help you a lot. Moreover, the children can expand their relationships immediately as well as having a good social skill. Before, the children only focused on the subjects such as math, physics, . . . instead of learning second language. But now, due to understanding clearly about the importance of learning foreign languages, many schools choose English, Chinese, . . . As an office subject. They pay more attention about teaching quality, building facilities, . . . To make a studying environment as best as possible. In conclusion, foreign language study is an important part of education. It is useful and necessary for better development as well as broader job opportunities.
Learning a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is compulsory in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, it is volunteer in other places. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
plays a vital part of schooling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is a true decision for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to broaden their job opportunities. At present, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Vietnam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
knowing the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
really
necessary,
especially
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if they want a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are mandatory in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
with manager positions.

Secondly
, our knowledge will be increasing thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. We
also
will be more confident in communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
can study abroad without difficulties about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. When we want to research cultures about your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
country, I believe that learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which this country is using will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you a lot.
Moreover
, the children can expand their relationships immediately
as well
as having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused on the subjects such as math, physics
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
instead
of learning second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, due to understanding
clearly
about the importance of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools choose English, Chinese
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
As an office subject. They pay more attention about teaching quality, building facilities
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a studying environment as
Did you mean "good"?
best
as possible.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
study is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of education. It is useful and necessary for better development
as well
as broader job opportunities.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In some educational systems, children are required to study one or more foreign languages. In others, foreign language study is not a requirement. What are the potential benefits of foreign language study? Do you think foreign language study is an important part of education? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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