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Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. v. 1
It is believed by some that the primary goal of educating people is to prepare them to contribute to society, while others argue that education helps individuals to achieve personal goals. In my opinion, although some people study for their objectives, they contribute to society indirectly by working towards it differently. On the one hand, a primary example of educating people for the upliftment of the society are doctors and clinical research scientists. There are myriad of innovations carried out by them which are well-known by the human mankind. Take, for example, the invention of Chemotherapy in Cancer treatment, which is a remarkable success in reducing the mortality rate. If they had not been educated in the faculty of medicine or clinical research, we would have struggled with fatal diseases. Hence, education becomes the key to the betterment of society. On the other hand, there are some individuals, which only study for their personal objectives because money and fame intensively motivate these people, which they expect to acquire through knowledge. A classic example of this argument can be a career in modeling or acting. In other words, admissions in these professional courses are conspicuously driven by the monetary benefits which may come after completing the curriculum and start a career in it. Since they are hardworking in achieving their goals, in the end, they can become an influencer to reach worldwide for delivering any crucial social message to society. In conclusion, while some think education creates a rational human being for living, others work on a self-centered approach. But In my view, both strive towards the betterment of society in a direct or indirect way. Education given in the right direction can never deceive humanity.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the primary goal of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is to prepare them to contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to achieve personal goals. In my opinion, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study for their objectives, they contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
indirectly
by working towards it
differently
.

On the one hand, a primary example of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are doctors and clinical research scientists. There are myriad of innovations carried out by them which are well-known by the human mankind. Take,
for example
, the invention of Chemotherapy in Cancer treatment, which is a remarkable success in reducing the mortality rate. If they had not
been educated
in the faculty of medicine or clinical research, we would have struggled with fatal diseases.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
becomes the key to the betterment of society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
study for their personal objectives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
money and fame
intensively
motivate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to acquire through knowledge. A classic example of this argument can be a career in modeling or acting. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, admissions in these professional courses are
conspicuously
driven by the monetary benefits which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after completing the curriculum and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a career in it. Since they are hardworking in achieving their goals, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they can become an influencer to reach worldwide for delivering any crucial social message to society.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
creates a rational human being for living, others work on a self-centered approach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
In my view, both strive towards the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in a direct or indirect way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the right direction can never deceive humanity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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